Your first reaction might be to laugh or redirect the conversation. However, if you dismiss them, they’ll only become more curious about the topic. It’s best to address the question when they ask.
For example, you could say something like, “Let’s ask your mom when she gets home, maybe she’ll know!” Chances are, they’ll forget about it, and you can let their parents know that the child was curious about babies or sex. If they continue to push your limits and ask more personal questions, stay calm and treat it like you would if they were misbehaving in any other way. Remind them that they shouldn’t use dirty words if they’re swearing, and tell them that if they continue to do so, you’ll have to call their parents.
If you’re pregnant, an older child might become curious about their new sibling. It’s very common for children to start asking about babies and pregnancy when they know there’s a baby on the way.
If you’ve discussed babies and pregnancy before, start by confirming what you’ve already discussed. Say something like “Well, we’ve talked about how babies are made sperm meets an egg, right?” When they confirm that they know that information, move on to answering their new question. If they say that they don’t know, assure them that it’s okay. Then, proceed with answering their question as best as you can.
Once you answer their initial question, they might ask more or they might be content. If they don’t seem satisfied with your answer, ask them something like “Is there anything else that you want to know about babies?” or “Do you have any more questions?”
Additionally, there’s a chance that a younger child might forget some of the information that you tell them as they grow up. It’s likely that you’ll have to have a few different conversations about where babies come from before they really absorb and understand the information.
For example, you can say “Sperm has to meet an egg to make a baby,” to teach them about general reproductive anatomy. You can start teaching your child about their genitals when they’re learning the rest of their body parts. By the time they’re around 2 or 3 years old, they should know that, a female has a vagina, a male has a penis, and some people are intersex. It’s okay to refer to sex as “making love” when you’re answering questions about making babies as long as they know that this phrase means having sex. This can help the child to associate babies with something positive, rather than something scary or negative.
For instance, if they ask how babies are made, you might say something like “Sometimes, babies are made when two people have sex, and the one person’s sperm fertilizes the other person’s egg. Then, the baby grows in the uterus for 9 months until it’s big enough to be born. ” If they’re asking about how the baby comes out, explain that the baby comes out of the vagina, which stretches as the baby is born. You might also want to tell them that some parents choose or medically have to have a surgery to take the baby out of their uterus instead. Be sure to explain that the uterus is part of the vagina, and different from the stomach. Since babies look like they’re inside of the parent’s stomach, this can be a very confusing idea for children.
If you can’t find a children’s book that does a good job of explaining the process, try picking up an anatomy book. It may be more detailed than necessary, but you can use it to show where the baby grows, and what genitals look like. Anatomy books are also great for learning the answer to tougher questions, like “Where does the egg come from?” or “How is sperm made?”
For example, if your child asks about when they’ll get their first period, you can say something like, “Most people with vaginas get their first period when they’re between 9 and 16 years old. Some people get it earlier, and some get it later. Your first period is a sign that your body is starting to become sexually mature, and it means that you could get pregnant if you have sex with somebody with a penis. ” Try to talk about puberty as something that is normal and natural, because it is! Build off of the conversations that you’ve had with them when they were younger, and let them know that puberty might cause them to think about sex more often.
You can remind your teenager that you can still help to answer their questions by saying something like, “I know growing up can be confusing, but if you have any questions about relationships or your body, you can always talk to me. ” Use their questions to remind them about the risks of having sex without giving them a lecture. For the oral sex example, you can say “You can’t get pregnant from having oral sex, but you can get an STD. ” Don’t assume that your child is asking about sex because they’re having sex. It’s very possible that they’re just asking because they were talking with their friends about the topic or saw it in a movie.
Use gender neutral language when discussing sex and pregnancy, such as ‘a person with a vagina/uterus’, ‘a person with a penis/testicles’, ‘pregnant people’ (as opposed to pregnant women), and ‘birth givers’. You can explain IVF by saying something like, “When someone with a uterus (usually a woman, but occasionally a trans man or a nonbinary person) wants to have a baby but can’t or doesn’t want to have one by having sex, they can go to the doctor and get sperm put in their uterus artificially”. You can explain surrogacy by saying something like, “Surrogacy is when someone grows a baby in their uterus for somebody else to have. "
For example, if you’re at the zoo and see a pregnant animal, you might say something like, “Do you see that tiger that is bigger than the rest of them? They’re pregnant and going to have baby tigers!”
At this point, they might be “grossed out” by discussions about relationships and sex. It’s still important to talk about it, and let them know that they once they’re sexually mature, they can make a baby if they have sex. Remember to include information about contraception, STDs, and peer pressure in your conversation whenever it’s appropriate. Educate your teen about consent and communication in a relationship.
You can explain this to a younger child by saying something like, “The vagina and penis are private parts, and no one should ever ask to touch yours or ask you to touch theirs. If someone does ask you that, you can tell me and I won’t be mad. ” Teach your child to get out of uncomfortable or scary situations by saying “No,” or “I have to leave. ” Let them know that it’s never wrong to say no to an adult if they’re scared or uncomfortable. Reassure your child that they will never be in trouble for telling you about a “secret” that has to do with their body or private parts.
