It has been found consistently in studies that men have a far more difficult time of apologizing than women. If you count yourself among those who find difficulty in apologizing, approaching the act as a purely practical manoeuvre (at least at first) can help you get over that first hump.
Don’t let yourself put the apology off too long, however. Being silent long enough will be interpreted as a non-apology; that you aren’t sorry and don’t want to have anything to do with her. Again, interpretation of what is considered ’too long’ will depend on the severity of the situation, and the strength of the relationship.
Put yourself in the woman’s shoes for a moment. While you should be considering the way she is feeling, you should also imagine the way your actions have been interpreted by her in turn. If your apology is because of a certain thing that happened, try playing it out in your head. From there, regardless of who is to blame, you should have a better grasp why she is upset. Keep in mind that empathizing with why she is upset is distinct from necessarily admitting guilt. Even if you don’t think you have done anything wrong per se, a healthy relationship involves recognizing where the other person is coming from. Even if you think at first her reasons for feeling this way are unjustified or even irrational, it’s important to recognize that the pain is real. [5] X Research source
You may be very angry for the same reasons as the girl. This will make it hard to open yourself up to her. If this is the case, give yourself some more time to relax and breathe.
Again, you won’t want to wait too long before going in for your apology. If you wait too long, it may be considered by the girl as a conscious decision on your part not to apologize.
The question of approach is easier if you are apologizing over a text message or the phone, though you should keep in mind that an apology will only be at its most effective and affirmative if it’s done in person. If you’re not in a position where you’ll be able to run into her easily, ask her to meet up. Keep your invitation simple and to the point, but give her reason to believe the reason you’re meeting is to give you a chance to apologize. If she’s too angry at the moment, give her some time; hopefully she’ll come around and give you an opportunity to fess up.
Your apology need not be elaborate; in fact, it’s probably best that you keep it in as simple terms as possible. No need to be poetic or calculated here; just say “I’m sorry. " The more complicated you get, the higher chance there will be that the apology will be misconstrued as something else.
For example, as a general template, you might say: “I’m really sorry for what I did. I was being really selfish at the time, and the way I see it’s affected you has made me realize just how bad it was. I know I can’t undo what happened, but I want you to know that I wish I could take it back, and I won’t let it happen again. "
For instance, if you are apologizing for being late all the time, set your alarm ten minutes earlier than you usually do. This will make your actions more prompt, thus reducing the risk of being late again. Letting the girl know the steps you’ve taken will prove to her that your apology was sincere. [11] X Research source
Including a heart at the bottom denotes warmth and may be appropriate if you’re in a romantic relationship with the girl. Writing it by hand is important in this case. An apology letter is nothing if it isn’t backed by a personal touch and vulnerability. It’s much easier to mask emotions over a computer. However, for small matters a quick email or instant message can work as well.
Donations, however small, should be accompanied with a specific statement why you’re making it. Explain to the girl that you’re making this donation as a way to affect positive change in the world from your apology, giving the fight you had an altruistic benefit for the world. Charity helps the world and is near-impossible to argue with.
