Be sure to take responsibility for your role in the argument. [2] X Expert Source Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MALife Coach Expert Interview. 18 March 2020. How you apologize will depend on how you may have wronged the person. For example, you may want to compensate your friend monetarily or by finding another way to correct your mistake along with apologizing for it. Write a list of every reason your friend could possibly be upset. [3] X Research source Meditation can also be helpful. After an argument, your mind can be in a frenzy. Take a few moments to quiet your thoughts. Sit in your room in silence and close your eyes. Think about the problem that occurred and your role in it. This will provide you greater clarity on the issue.
In addition to writing these lists, you could also consider writing a poem or a song to express your feelings.
You might say something to them like “Me and my friend just got into a fight and I was wrong and want to apologize. Do you have any advice on how to fix it?” They will also be able to provide you greater insight about yourself. Perhaps they have noticed that you have a tendency to be hotheaded, and your fight with your friend was rooted in this particular behavior of yours. Take the time to listen to those older and wiser than you to gain perspective about yourself so that you can improve.
For example, if you lost your friend’s favorite pair of shoes, they are likely not only just upset, but may also feel that they can’t trust you any longer with their things. When you apologize, you should acknowledge that your friend may not trust you anymore but that you intend to restore that trust and be dependable in the future.
For instance, if your friend is mad at you for telling one of their secrets, think back on if you have ever gossiped about others before. Telling other people’s business is a gateway to doing that to someone that you love.
Call them or send them a text and say “I want you to know that I regret what I’ve done and I’m so sorry. I’ve thought a lot about what I’ve done and I would really like if we could meet up to talk. ”
Vague apologies often feel insincere and poorly thought out. Your friend will appreciate much more if you offer a very specific acknowledgment of what you did wrong. [8] X Expert Source Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MALife Coach Expert Interview. 18 March 2020. You might say something like “I am sorry for calling you that name. It was rude of me to do and I did not mean it. ”
Many fall victim to playing “tit for tat” with their friend, by saying things like “Well, if you hadn’t done this then I wouldn’t have done that. ” This will reverse any apology that you have offered and will immediately make your friend upset all over again.
Do not try to explain yourself. Keep it simple and move on. Don’t offer excuses. Making excuses for hurting someone is never helpful during an apology and is only a mechanism for blame-shifting. Accept the blame for what you have done and keep it moving.
An example of an appropriate apology is “I’m sorry for leaving you at the party without asking you if you wanted to go. We went there together and I should have talked to you before leaving alone. I apologize for that. ”
Ask if there is any way you can make it up to them in the future, or if there is anything you can do to prevent something similar from happening again. Apologize for the ways you have hurt them apart from this latest issue. Think critically about what they are saying to you so that you don’t apologize just to end the conversation. Make sure that any “I’m sorry” you offer is genuine.
Also, look at them in the eyes when they are speaking, but break your gaze every so often to look around. No one likes to be stared at but people also want to feel that you are paying attention to them.
You might say something like “Again, I just wanted to reiterate that I am so sorry for hurting you and that it won’t happen again. However, I don’t want this situation to define us. Would you consider being my friend again? Though they are likely to accept, be understanding if they don’t. They are within their rights to refuse friendship with you especially if you have done something very bad to them.
If necessary, ask your parents to borrow money so that you can buy for them what you broke or lost. You can also get a part-time or temporary job to earn enough money to buy it yourself. Your friend will respect you all the more for it and you will be able to set right the wrong that you made.
Avoid being clingy or smothering them. They will return to you in their own time and your friendship will be the better for it.
For example, if you know they get upset when you take their things without asking, then be very sure to not do that in the future. Also, if there are any things you need to work on to improve yourself, begin that process. For instance, if you are very forgetful and regularly forget plans with your friend, then invest in a planner or use your phone to set reminders for you. Being proactive will help to rebuild your friend’s trust in you by showing them that you are taking concrete steps to avoid a similar situation.
You can even try using a little humor to lighten up the situation and reconnect with the person after making an apology.
