You may already know, but if you do not, take time to reflect on your recent actions around and words to him. What did you say or do that might have upset him? If you cannot determine what made him angry with you, you will have to ask him. You cannot sincerely apologize for something that you did not know was wrong or upsetting.
It can be a challenge to do this because many people do not like admitting that they are wrong or that they did something wrong. However, this is a key component to giving a genuine apology and repairing your friendship.
Did you offend his values or beliefs? Did you hurt his feelings? Did you lie to him? Did you offend his family or another close friend? Did you physically hurt him?
Most people strongly recommend against sending an apology in a text message, because it seems insincere. You are sending the message to your friend that you do not have or do not want to take the time to apologize in person and that you do not value his friendship.
It is best to give both of you time to calm down and take a step back from the situation. In some cases, apologizing immediately comes off as insincere and selfish. However, you want to avoid waiting too long, because that will cause resentment to build. [3] X Research source In the meantime, prepare your apology to your guy friend.
“I need to apologize for what I did. ” “I’m sorry for what I said the other day. ” “I owe you an apology for the way I acted. ” “I want to apologize to you about how I treated you. ”
If you feel the need to give a reason for your actions, it is best to stick to reasons that put the blame on you. For example, “I said those mean things about you because I felt pressured to fit in with that crowd. ” Avoid saying statements like, “Well, I know I shouldn’t have said those things, but you brought it on yourself. ”
“I recognize that I was in the wrong. ” “I know that what I did was rude, and you didn’t deserve to be treated like that. ” “I’m aware that I made a mistake. ” “I made a mistake, and I fully accept that truth. ”
“I’ll buy you a replacement since I ruined yours. ” “I don’t like that they tried to make me bully someone to be friends with them, so I’m going to stay away from them. I already have great friends, like you. ” “I’ll apologize to your family, as well. That was a horrible thing of me to say. ” “I will always be honest with you from now on. Your friendship means a lot to me. ”
Follow through with meeting him in person to apologize or be sure to give him a call. If you chose to write him a letter, then leave it somewhere he will find it or mail it to him. Remember to not make excuses while you talk with him. [6] X Expert Source Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MALife Coach Expert Interview. 18 March 2020. Remain calm while giving your apology. Crying will likely make him feel guilty, when you are the one at fault, and getting angry will turn the conversation into an argument. Allow him to interrupt if he becomes upset or wants to say something, and do not react negatively if you do not like what he says. This shows him that you are serious and respect his friendship. [7] X Research source
Do not get mad at him and do not yell at him. It is his right to accept or reject your apology, and if you really offended or hurt him, he might want to do that. [8] X Expert Source Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MALife Coach Expert Interview. 18 March 2020. If your mistake has cost you your friendship, you need to take responsibility for that. Avoid begging for his forgiveness or asking him what you can do to make it up to him. Rather, take the initiative to regain his trust by doing those things on your own.
Do whatever it takes to make it up to him without complaint. Complaining about it will only negate your apology and possibly put the guilt or blame on him. It is, quite possibly, even more important to follow through if he rejected your apology because this is a big way that you will try to regain his trust.
Do not bring it up over and over again, regardless of whether he accepted or rejected your apology. If he accepted it, then bringing it up will likely become annoying and cause a new issue. If he rejected it, then bothering him about it frequently will likely only push him further away.
