How do I feel about him? Do I feel excited when we are together? Do I miss him when he is gone? Can I handle the time commitment of a serious relationship right now? What type of relationship do I want?[2] X Research source Have we fought before? If so, how well did we handle it?[3] X Research source Does he respect me? Are there any red flags I am concerned about? Am I uncertain about his character? Do I trust him?[4] X Research source How do I feel about monogamy? Do I want an exclusive relationship with one person? If so, am I willing to be monogamous with this man? If not, are both parties open to a polyamorous relationship? Am I doing this because he makes me happy? Or are other people pressuring me to have a boyfriend?
If you have just met the guy, you might want to go on a few dates before you ask him to be your boyfriend. You may not want to commit to someone you just met. Many people ask a partner to become steady or exclusive after about six dates or one month. [5] X Research source Some people wait until they have dated for three months to have the talk. If you have a long distance relationship, you may want to establish this talk sooner rather than later. This will help both parties understand what is expected even when you are far apart. [6] X Research source
If a man refers to future plans, it might be a sign that he is planning on sticking around with you. [7] X Research source If he brags about you to people, especially to his friends, it might show that he is proud to be around you. [8] X Research source If he sends you texts asking how you are throughout the day, it may mean that he is thinking often about you. [9] X Research source If you see each other several times a week and hang out every weekend, it may be a sign that he is becoming more invested in you. [10] X Research source
If you want a serious relationship with someone who will commit to you, you may have to part ways with this guy if he says no. This will allow you to find someone who wants a serious relationship as well. If you are content with your relationship, you might decide to maintain your current status until he’s ready to become your boyfriend. If you have deep feelings for this guy, you might have to decide whether or not you want to hang out with him afterwards. You might decide to just stay friends, or you might decide to cut off contact until you can get over him.
Some people plan a special date and hold this conversation at the end of a date. Others find that this conversation comes most naturally when they are hanging out together alone. Either way, choose a good day ahead of time. Do not ask at a time when the guy will be stressed, upset, or busy. He may be taken aback by the question, and this could affect his answer. [11] X Research source If you are feeling nervous, anxious, or jittery, you can practice what you will say ahead of time. In a mirror, try starting the conversation and asking the question. [12] X Research source
If you’re in a long distance relationship, it may not be easy to meet up in person. If you can have this conversation during a visit, you might want to wait until the end before asking, in case you receive a negative answer. If you cannot ask in person, calling him is the next best option.
You should probably have this talk while you two are alone. You might broach the question during a walk on the beach, at the park, or in one of your homes. If there a place that is special to both of you—such as the site of your first date or a favorite monument–, you might choose to have the talk there to make it memorable. Make sure that the guy is not distracted. Do not ask him during a movie, while you are out with friends, or when he is working. If you ask him while you are in the car or eating at a restaurant, he may feel trapped. Have the conversation in a place where you are both comfortable. [14] X Research source
If he compliments you, you might compliment him back, starting a conversation on what you enjoy about each other. This is a natural segue into the relationship talk. If there a period of silence, you might bring up the issue. Say how happy you are in the moment, and see if the conversation comes up. At the end of your date or hang out, you can say, “Hey, before you go, I wanted to talk to you about something. ”
Do not wait around forever for a guy to bring up the question. Set a date for yourself before you ask him. For example, you might give him a month before asking him yourself.
You might say, “You know, you are so funny. I’ve never met a guy like you before. ” Another good compliment is, “You are very thoughtful. I’m so touched by your gestures. ” If he smiles, thanks you, or compliments you back, it may be a positive sign that he feels similarly about you.
You might say, “I’ve had such a good time with you so far. You’re a really unique person, and I’ve been thinking a lot about our relationship. ” You should probably avoid telling him that you love him at this point. He may become scared or worried that the relationship is moving too quickly. Instead, you might say that you are “developing feelings” or that you “really like” him.
You can ask him directly by saying, “Do you want to make this official? Do you want to become my boyfriend?” If you’re uncertain about the status of your relationship, you can ask, “Where do you see this relationship going?” If either of you are dating multiple people, you can ask, “Do you want to start seeing each other exclusively?” If you want to understand how he sees you, you might say, “I want to know what to tell other people when they ask what our relationship is. Would you say you’re my boyfriend?”
You might begin this conversation by asking him, “What does being a boyfriend mean to you?” Answer truthfully if he asks you about what you expect in a relationship. For example, you might say, “I expect a guy to be faithful and to be honest with me. I’m not ready for marriage yet, but I do want to explore the possibility of a more serious relationship. "
You can say, “If you need time to think about it, that’s fine. Give it some time before you make your decision. ” If he asks for space, give him space. You can ask, “How long do you think you need to figure this out?” Try not to bring up the question again until that time has passed. If he does not give you a time frame, you can ask again after a few days. Say, “Hey, I just wanted to know if you’ve given any thought to our relationship. Have you decided where we stand?” Do not obsessively text, call, or message him about this issue. If he did not give you a straight answer right away, you might text him once after you asked the question and again in a day or two. Give him some space if he needs it to decide.
If he wants to end things, respect his choice. Thank him for your time together, but state that you understand. You might say, “I’m sorry to hear that, but I had fun with you. Good luck in the future. ” If he wants to continue a casual relationship but you want to end things, you might say, “I think it would best if we stopped seeing each other then. ” If he asks why, simply state, “It seems that we want different things. ” He might state that he wants to stay friends with you. Do not agree unless you are willing to be just friends. If you feel as though this would be difficult, be honest. Say, “I’m not sure that will work out for me. You’re a great guy, but I think I will need some space. ” Some men may “ghost” you or stop contacting you. It is natural to feel upset about this, but it does not mean that he necessarily dislikes you. He may only feel awkward about the situation. [18] X Research source
