A boor will say something like, “Hey, what time does your shift end?” Not only is this a terrible line but it is also creepy, making it seem as though you will be waiting for her at closing time. Don’t be so transparent, and don’t be creepy. Instead, try engaging her in conversation, i. e. “This is my first time here. Wow, are you always so busy on Tuesdays?”
Say please and thank you. A waitress is serving you, but she is still a person and should be treated like it. [3] X Research source This is just normal kindness. Don’t call her sweetheart or any other “pet name. ” It is condescending. Also, don’t stare at her. She may well be very pretty, but you will probably make her uncomfortable. Avoid complaining about the restaurant. Your waitress did not write the menu, set the prices, design the décore. Nor does she control how busy the establishment is. Complaining will only put her off. You might try empathizing with her, though. For example, if the restaurant is annoyingly busy, express your solidarity, i. e. “It sure is busy tonight. They should really give you more help with the tables. ”
Conversely, don’t order something that is not on the menu or ask her to make substitutions. This makes her job harder and will only serve as an annoyance.
No long conversations about who the restaurant’s beef supplier is, or how much they pay for vodka wholesale. Talk about yourself a bit, or at least hint at it. Waitresses are hit on a lot, and while they’re always friendly about it, they probably will turn you down if they don’t know you well. At the same time, turn the conversation to her. Talking only about yourself might come off as self-absorbed. Empathic people ask questions and listen to others. [5] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
Tip what you can afford, but don’t be stingy. You will leave a better impression if you err on the side of generosity. You may remember when 15% was pretty standard for good service. Those days are long gone. Nowadays the standard tip is closer to 20%. [6] X Research source Aim for 20% or even 25% for the best effect.
Remember that she may be very busy. It might even be kind to acknowledge it, i. e. “I don’t want to keep you here talking too long. I can see that you have a lot of work to do!” Keep in mind as well that, if you monopolize her time, she might get in trouble with her employers.
It is never OK to touch or make unwanted advances. This applies not just to your waitress but any woman. No sexual comments, gestures, or banter. [8] X Expert Source Suzanna MathewsDating & Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 18 August 2021. Alcohol may lower your inhibitions and lead you to say things you’ll regret. Be careful not to carry on your flirting if you’ve been drinking too much. As in all social situations, if she asks you to stop something, stop it.
Very probably your waitress doesn’t want to join you for a drink or coffee immediately after her shift. More likely she wants to go home. You’d be better served by deciding to ask her, making your play, and getting on with your night. If the waitress thinks that you are interested, your sticking around for hours will become a major distraction and annoyance to her.
Build up a mutual recognition. It may be a good sign if she notices when you stop in or says hello. [10] X Expert Source Suzanna MathewsDating & Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 18 August 2021. While being a regular is OK, avoid frequenting the restaurant too often lest you seem like a stalker. If you always eat at the same table and always smile at her, she may be creeped out.
Try to sit at one of the tables she is serving. Take note of any giveaways that she is unavailable, like a ring on her left hand.
Be short and to the point, i. e. “You seem like a thoughtful person that I’d interested to know better. Coffee sometime?” End with your name and number. Insert a nice tip into the fold of a napkin, with the money is sticking out. Make sure that she will notice the tip or someone else could pick it up Use a clean napkin if you decide on this route.
Unlike a napkin, the check presenter should be fairly secure and discreet. In many restaurants, there is an unspoken rule that servers only touch check presenters from their table. [12] X Research source If there is room, write the message directly onto the receipt. If not, use a napkin in a pinch. Aim for a kind and no-pressure request, i. e. “To my charming waitress: pardon my forwardness, but I’d love to take you out. (Insert phone number). Call me sometime. I’d love to hear from you. [13] X Research source
Write something like, “(Your name and number) Dinner sometime? Call me anytime. I’d love to hear from you!” Hand her the note as you walk to the door, saying, “This is for you. ”
The beauty of the note request is its discreetness and also lack of pressure. If you asked her out on a note, you’ll know she is interested or not by her response. The ball is in her court. Don’t be discouraged if you’ve tried all of the above and she doesn’t call. At least you tried – many men would not!
