Meditation Yoga Physical exercise Deep breathing Making yourself laugh Thinking of the people around you as laughable (e. g. , that they’re in their underwear, etc. )
If you’re having a hard time finding the nerve to approach an attractive person, force yourself to act. Try giving yourself a hard time limit (10 seconds, for instance, if you’re feeling bold) for waiting and worrying before you walk over and talk to someone and stick to this time limit! If you’re with friends, have them agree to “push” you into social interactions instead of giving you opportunities to wiggle out of them.
Don’t be afraid to take up space. Hold your head high and stand up straight. Pull your shoulders back and puff your chest out. Take a wide, relaxed stance when you sit. Use strong, relaxed movements. Walk with long, slow strides. Use large, smooth, easy gestures. Show your attention. Position yourself to face people when you’re talking to them. Use eye contact, but don’t stare. [5] X Expert Source Mark RosenfeldDating & Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 16 June 2021. Don’t close yourself off to others. Don’t cross your arms or legs when you sit down. Don’t play with your phone when you’re bored. These behaviors telegraph to others that you’re not interested in interacting.
Ask for advice: “Hey, I like Dostoevsky and I noticed you reading Notes From Underground — would you recommend it?” Compliment or comment on a shared interest: “Nice Creed shirt! Did you see them when they were in town back in 2001?” Enlist their help: “Wow! Can you show me how to dance like that?” The old standby: “Do you have a light?” (Only works for smokers).
One of the benefits of taking a casual approach is that it allows you to avoid the embarrassment of outright rejection. If you’re having a casual conversation with someone and you sense things becoming awkward, you can always end the conversation by claiming that you have something else you need to do. On the other hand, if you open your conversation with an obvious come-on, if things turn awkward, ending the conversation prematurely will be a little more embarrassing because it will be obvious that you’ve failed at what you set out to do.
For instance, let’s say you’re at a party where you don’t know many people and you’ve worked up the courage to start talking to an attractive stranger by commenting on the band on their T-shirt. If it turns out that you’ve both seen this act live, take this opportunity to share your experiences in the mosh pit. With luck, your shared experiences should help you create a personal connection that will it much easier (and more appropriate) to ask for someone’s number.
While you’ll definitely want to show off your good sense of humor if you have it, beware self-deprecating humor. Don’t make people laugh ‘’at you’’ — while a little self-deprecation can be great fun once you’ve gotten to know someone, making fun of yourself when you’re first meeting them can make you look nervous and unsure of yourself, rather than relaxed and confident.
Let’s continue with the example situation described above. If you’ve had a pleasant conversation talking about your mutual love of the band on your conversation partner’s T shirt, you might want to end the conversation with a funny story about something that happened to you at a different band’s show. Once you get a big laugh, say that you’ve got to run, but that you should exchange numbers so you can talk more later. With any luck, your great timing will increase your chances for success.
In our example, as noted above, we should end the conversation by asking for the number of the person we’re talking to, instead of asking for the number and then continuing with the conversation as normal. It’s obvious why this sort of behavior should be avoided if we imagine what it might sound like: “Thanks for your number! So, did you see any interesting movies lately?” Returning to friendly small talk after escalating things into borderline-romantic territory can lead to awkwardness (even when handled well) and can give serious mixed signals.
Don’t get upset or raise a scene if it turns out that you’ve been given a fake number. Have a quick laugh over the fact that you’ve been duped and immediately forget about it. No one is obliged to give you their phone number, so you shouldn’t feel like you’ve been betrayed if they don’t give you it!
You’re trying to keep things casual at this point. Calling immediately after you get a number can make it seem like you’re taking the connection you made with this person much more seriously than is warranted. Ironically, this can hurt your potential for serious dating in the long run.
Being in a serious relationship Having just gotten out of a serious relationship Not being comfortable giving their phone number to strangers Not looking for romantic opportunities Not being as attracted to you as you are to them
