Say, “I’m concerned about you and want to know if you’re doing okay. ” Nonverbal cues can help communicate your concern. Sit facing them and make eye contact when you speak. It if feels appropriate, you could place a hand on their shoulder to let them know you care. Consider opening up about how you’re doing first. This might make your friend feel more comfortable sharing about their own feelings. [2] X Expert Source Lena Dicken, Psy. DClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 December 2020.
Starting the conversation can be the hardest part. Jump right in and allow them to respond however they choose. Sometimes people might give a generic answer if you just say, “How are you?” If they do that, try asking again to show them that you really want to talk. [4] X Expert Source Lena Dicken, Psy. DClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 December 2020. You might also ask more direct questions, like, “How have you been emotionally?” or “How has the past year been for you?"[5] X Expert Source Lena Dicken, Psy. DClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 December 2020.
For example, say, “I’ve noticed you’re spending a lot of time alone lately. Are you doing okay?” You can also say, “You’ve been really secretive. Is there something going on?” Try to stick to objective observations without adding any assumptions or accusations.
If the person is getting defensive, ask, “Is there someone else you’d like to talk to?” or, “I’ll leave you alone, but please don’t hesitate to call if you want to talk. ” Understand that it might take a few conversations for them to open up about whatever’s going on. Try not to push the issue in your first conversation or two.
If the person is scared to ask for help, tell them to call a suicide crisis like (like 1-800-SUICIDE) or emergency services. After the call, offer to help them find a mental health professional or follow up on whatever suggestions the hotline operator made.
For example, say, “I’m so sorry that makes you feel sad and angry. ” Avoid saying you know how they feel. It’s best just to be there for them and empathize the best you can with what they are experiencing.
For example, if your friend admits that they have a drug problem, don’t chastise them for doing drugs. Listen and show your support in admitting their problem.
Try to simply listen and empathize for a bit before offering any advice. You might ask, “What are you thinking about doing about that?” Helping them formulate their own solutions can help them feel empowered. If you don’t know what to say, consider, “It sounds like this is difficult for you” or simply, ‘That sucks. ”
Say, “Thanks for opening up to me. I think it may be best for you to consider talking to a professional or getting some help. ”
Continue asking, “How are you doing?” to follow up with them. Ask, “What can I help you with?”
Talk in the car, on a walk, or another private place.
For example, if you’re at your friend’s house and their parents or siblings often interrupt, go somewhere where interruptions will not occur.
Remember that you cannot ‘fix’ someone’s problems. If the person isn’t ready to talk or doesn’t want to, be prepared to let it go. If you think you might get nervous talking about something personal, you could write down some bullet points you want to address.
