If you’re casually hooking up with someone, try asking: “If you’re in the mood, would you want to head to the bedroom?” “Hey, how would you feel about having sex right now?” “You really turn me on. It’s totally fine if you say no, but would you be interested in sleeping with me?” If you’re in a relationship, try asking for sex by saying: “When do you think is the right time for couples to start having sex?” “How do you feel about sex?” “Do you feel ready to have sex with me?” “Are you in the mood tonight?”
“If you’re in the mood, would you want to head to the bedroom?” “Hey, how would you feel about having sex right now?” “You really turn me on. It’s totally fine if you say no, but would you be interested in sleeping with me?”
“When do you think is the right time for couples to start having sex?” “How do you feel about sex?” “Do you feel ready to have sex with me?” “Are you in the mood tonight?”
If you’re not dating the person you’re into, you might not have the opportunity to have a conversation in advance. Before going all the way, be sure to get clear consent and discuss safe sex options. You don’t necessarily have to talk about sex alone in a room with the door closed. You might be on a date at a restaurant or other public place when you bring up having sex. Be mindful of those around you. Don’t ask your partner about sex when lots of people are within earshot. You don’t want to put them on the spot or embarrass them.
Try saying, “I think you’re the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever met. I don’t mean to put on any pressure or anything, but would you want to take things to the next level physically?” Be courteous and respectful. Don’t go into a vivid description of what you want to do with them. If they aren’t ready for sex, this could put them off.
It’s okay to be nervous, and having a sense of humor about your nerves can help put you at ease. If you get tongue-tied, try brushing it off with, “Geez, I sound like Google translate gone wrong,” or just be honest and say, “Sorry I’m a little nervous. Let me start over. “ A little laughter can release nervous energy. However, self-deprecating humor can kill the mood, so go easy on making fun of yourself. [5] X Research source
In the heat of the moment, you could say, “You’re such an amazing kisser, and you turn me on so much. Do you want to take this further?” You could also try asking, “Should we head to the bedroom?” or “Can I touch you here?” If you don’t think they’re into it, stop and ask, “Is everything alright? We can stop if this is going too fast. ”
While it’s helpful to talk about likes and dislikes ahead of time, talking about turn-ons can also be really sexy in the moment. Say something like, “So where’s your favorite spot to be kissed?” or “Tell me about something you’ve always wanted to try in bed. ”
Confiding something about yourself first can help them feel more at ease with you. Try telling them how you like to be touched or a position that you enjoy. Talking about preferences in advance can make sex more enjoyable, but you don’t need to go overboard and make each other uncomfortable. You and the person you’re into don’t have to share your deepest, darkest fantasies, especially if you don’t know each other very well.
No one wants to hear all about the last person their date slept with, and bragging about sex is a major mood killer. You can say “I like kisses on my neck,” but don’t say “Man, it really turned me on when my last girlfriend kissed my neck and gave me hickies. "
While it’s good to check in now and then, asking, “Are you alright?” every 30 seconds is a turn-off. Be attentive to their body language, and try to stay in the moment instead of overthinking things.
They might want to kiss or touch, but that doesn’t mean they want to have sex. They also have the right to change their mind and stop if they become uncomfortable at any point. They have to understand what they’re consenting to. If you they say “yes” to going to your bedroom, that doesn’t mean they’re consenting to sex itself.
It’s best to talk about sexual health when you and your partner are thinking clearly. You’re less likely to make informed decisions in the heat of the moment. If you’re already fooling around and haven’t had the conversation, don’t feel bad about looking out for your health. If they’re sexually active and haven’t been tested recently, your best bet is to cool things off until they’ve been screened.
Talking about safe sex doesn’t have to be a turn-off. For example, try asking what kind of condom feels best or if they like flavored or textured varieties. Try to be positive when you bring up safe sex. Mention that using protection benefits both of you instead of phrasing it like you need to protect yourself from them. [12] X Research source
