Let your loved ones know that you want to have an important talk, i. e. “Bill, I have something really important that I want to talk about with you. Can we sit down together?” This will help them focus their attention and also communicate that they should take what you have to say seriously. Pick a good time and place for your conversation. Choose a moment when your loved ones are not busy but can give you all their attention. You might approach them in the evening, for example, after they return from work and are settling down. Choose a moment when your family members are relaxed and at ease. Avoid bringing up the subject in a public place or if you are fighting.
Try saying something like, “Maria, I’ve been thinking and wonder if we might communicate better with some help. What do you think about family counseling?” Show empathy, i. e. “I know this is a hard conversation, but I’m only saying this because I care about you and our relationship. I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t love you and want things to be better between us. ” Since your loved ones might not be receptive to what you say, consider using “I” statements, i. e. “I think that family counseling could help us” or “I’d really try and find a way to stop fighting with you, and I think having some help would be useful for me. " This wording can help you express your feelings but avoid language that assigns blame to others.
For instance, you might say something like “I want to get counseling so that we can learn to get along better and find compromises” rather than “I want to go to counseling so you can understand me better. ” Point out that family therapy can show you problems in your behavior and family roles, teaching you how to work through issues. Family therapy can also allow you and loved ones to improve your ability to communicate, express thoughts and emotions, and solve problems together.
For instance, propose a weekly family meeting where you can talk about the state of your relationship. Or, promise to spend 10 minutes every day listening to your loved ones’ feelings. You can also try self-help material. Books like Getting the Love You Want and The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work explore things like communication and dealing with conflict and power struggles in relationships. Don’t forget that you can seek counseling on your own, too. Every member contributes to a family’s dynamic and is responsible on some level for the quality of relationships. You can learn a lot, even if your other loved ones aren’t present.
Are you dealing with an at-risk child? There are family therapies that focus on kids and adolescents who show behavioral problems, delinquency, or substance abuse. Does a family member have a drug or alcohol problem that is affecting the group? This can be another focus of therapy. There are also family therapists who work on marriages or help families cope when a member has a severe physical or mental illness.
Ask plenty of questions about potential therapists. What are his or her training and credentials, for example? Are they licensed and do they specialize in family psychotherapy? Ask too about location, availability, and format. How long is each family counseling session? How many sessions are usual? Is the therapist available in emergencies? Inquire about cost and insurance, as well. How much does the therapist charge per session? Does she require full fees paid up front? Will she accept payment from your insurance provider?
Psychology Today hosts a Therapy Group search engine on its website, for instance. You can search your locality and then narrow the results to find specialists in things like divorce or family conflict. A second tool is the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy’s therapist locator. Search by the name of your area to find lists of nearby licensed Marriage and Family Therapists.
For example, call your local hospital and ask what kind of family counseling services they can provide. Some places, like the Rhode Island Hospital, run family therapy clinics for help in a range of psychological issues. Most universities also have counseling services – including family therapy – on campus for students and staff. Contact a college or university near you to see if you can make use of their programs.
Ask if Structural Family Therapy is for you. SFT assumes that problems are inside of the family structure – that is, the therapy focuses on interactions in the group rather than on the individuals. The idea is for the therapist to change the family’s ingrained ways of interacting. [7] X Research source You might also ask about Brief Strategic Therapy. This form of counseling is short and tries to take stock, again, of how the family interacts as a system. The therapist will try to identify problems and will then set goals for change, alongside “tasks” for members to do outside of sessions. Consider Functional Family Therapy, too, especially if you have an at-risk child. FFT tries to lower the negativity that’s often found in such families, by focusing on changing behavior at the individual level. This can take place by working on members’ skills in parenting, communication, and problem solving.
Some therapists prefer to have the whole family together in sessions. More often, though, you should expect to have some full sessions in addition to some apart or in smaller groups with the therapist. Sessions typically last for about 50 to 60 minutes each. Family therapy courses are also usually fairly short and last no longer than 6 months.
Say that you are in therapy to address behavioral problems with your child. A therapist can help connect the child’s problems to what he experiences as a member of the family. Perhaps he is doing poorly in school because a parent has been laid off; perhaps he acts out because he overhears arguments and is afraid his parents are going to divorce. A family therapist might also ask you to change your behavior and relationships with other members of the group. For instance, she might ask you to change how you communicate with loved ones.
One of the therapist’s aims is to help you see how you and your loved ones interact, i. e. what are the family roles, rules, and behavior patterns. Then, with this knowledge, you can find ways to work out issues more effectively. A therapist can also point out your family’s strengths and areas that need improvement. Perhaps you are close knit and loyal to each other, but do not express emotion easily. The therapist might then focus on encouraging you to communicate more easily and openly. Armed with knowledge, family therapy should help you find ways to cope with family conflict and, ideally, gain a better sense of understanding with your loved ones.
