A player might call every night, text all day, and perhaps even fall asleep on the phone with you at night right at the beginning of the relationship. They might also want to spend as much time together as possible. Players might also give you an affectionate nickname like “babe” or “cutie pie” to make you feel more connected to them. Early in the relationship, stick to your personal schedule and limit the number of weekly dates to 1 or 2 if your date seems overeager. Take your time. They won’t try to monopolize your time if they’re serious!
Some players might even try to seduce you before you’ve even had the chance for a proper date. While this is perfectly fine for a casual fling, it’s not a good sign if you’re looking for a long-term relationship. They might suggest that being intimate right away will help you get to know one another, but that’s likely a sign that they’re looking for a hookup—not a relationship.
For example, a player might say, “I would never treat you like that,” or “I’ll take care of you forever!” Those are sweet things to say, but their actions should always back up their promises.
It’s okay if someone leaves you hanging once or twice and comes back with a valid reason—after all, life can be unpredictable. Think about their circumstances before assuming they’re a player. For example, they’re probably just busy if they don’t text you for several hours during the work day.
A player also has a ton of excuses for why they can’t spend time with you. Instead of saying “I’m sorry,” they’ll make an excuse to get you to drop the issue or say you’re overreacting when your feelings are justified. If you’re dating a player, it’ll feel like you’re no longer a priority. Remember that no matter how much you liked them in the beginning, you don’t deserve to feel like that!
Study their reactions as well. If you say “no,” do they start to show you less interest? If this is the case, then it may be time to consider cutting them loose or taking a step back. Remember that ignoring boundaries in a relationship is never okay. Nobody should push you to do something you don’t want to do—and if they try to make you feel guilty, they’re not worth your time!
Players might even be cagey about their social media and put off friending you on Facebook or following you on other platforms like Twitter and Instagram. There’s always a chance that this person genuinely doesn’t feel ready for a relationship—but if they’re not playing you, they’ll usually come out and say that. On the other hand, players just don’t want to be tied down.
Important boundaries include your communication style, personal space preferences, desire for commitment versus a casual relationship, and expectations for physical intimacy. You could say, “I’d like to text regularly, but I don’t want to text multiple times an hour. ” That way, if they don’t respect that wish (either by bombarding you with texts or ghosting you), you’ll know it’s not a misunderstanding. Another boundary could be, “I’m happy to go on a date each week but I also need time for friends and family. ” If a player tries to push for more, you’ll know they’re disregarding your personal boundaries.
Move beyond the looks and charm and focus on getting to know their core values. Find out what they’re like and how they treat you and other people. Normally, there’s no “right” amount of time to wait for sex. Hookups can be fun if that’s what you’re looking for, but if not, you can discourage players by saving intimacy for an exclusive relationship.
Nobody likes being played. However, loneliness and a lack of boundaries can cause people to ignore red flags that other people catch easily. Do you give away your trust without making other people earn it? Do you give fourth and fifth chances when they’re not deserved? By recognizing these patterns, you can put a stop to them.
Self-esteem isn’t a guarantee that someone will be a player, but it’s a good idea to look for the warning signs if you date someone who clearly struggles to value themselves.
Players work their charm on people who want to find love so badly that they accept and overlook unhealthy behavior. When you’re satisfied with your life, a player’s false promises won’t seem so compelling.
Be assertive and confident when you talk to your date. It’s never a bad thing to stand up for yourself! You could say, “I feel frustrated when I don’t hear from you for days. It’s important to me to feel connected to the person I’m dating,” or “I’m not ready for sex yet, and I need you to respect that. ” It can be tough to walk away when you’re already invested in the relationship. Just remember that your peace of mind comes first, and there are plenty of fish in the sea.
