Do not be afraid of rejection. It can be tempting to believe someone who is trying to get sex from you, that “they will never love you again” or “they will never talk to you again. " This is manipulation and control, and no one should have to be subjected to it. Someone who would treat you this way does not deserve to be close to you anyway. No one who truly cares about you should ever pressure you like this. When you stand up for your right to say no, you are demanding to be respected. It is harder to take advantage of someone when they are demanding respect.
Reflect on whether or not physical force was used. If physical force of any kind was used to get you to have sex, then it is considered rape. Don’t disregard the possibility that you were raped because there was no physical violence. For example, you may have had sex with someone because you were fearful about what the person might have done if you said no. Or, you might have had sex while under the influence of a powerful drug and not even remember what happened. These situations are still considered rape. Consider the ages of both parties. If an adult has sex with someone under the age of consent, then it is still rape because the person under the age of consent does not have the legal right to consent to sex. For example, if a 15 year old has sex with a 21 year old, then the 21 year old would be guilty of rape.
Other basic human rights include a right to liberty and personal security. If someone is pressuring you to have sex when you don’t want it, this threatens both. Sexual coercion is also rape. If someone is coercing you, or pushing you to have sex by using force or threats, this violates your basic human rights. You also have the right to not tolerate rape culture, which is when the severity of sexual violence is downplayed and even framed as acceptable. This can take many forms including sexually explicit jokes, glamorous depictions of violence against women, objectification of the female body, and blaming victims of rape for what happened to them. [3] X Research source
“I can’t help myself” “You shouldn’t have worn that outfit” “This is the way I can show you my love” “I won’t love you anymore if you don’t let me” “Everyone is doing it!” “We have had sex already, so you can’t say no now. ”
Always going out with friends. Do not go to parties or bars by yourself. Pouring your own drinks (or watching them being poured). Never leaving your drink unattended. Not accepting drinks from strangers. Limiting yourself to only a few drinks. Having a trusted friend take you home if you start to get too drunk. Do not allow someone you just met to walk you home, even if he or she seems like a nice person.
Decide why you don’t want to have sex and keep that at the front of your mind. Is it because you want to wait until marriage? You don’t want to get pregnant? You don’t want to risk getting an STD? Having a specific goal in mind will keep you from giving into pressure.
Organizations like True Love Waits even have rings you can purchase as a daily visual reminder, also called a “purity ring. ”[5] X Research source
Support networks also have the benefit of helping you feel like you belong and feel secure, things that you need if you are going to maintain your decision to avoid pressure to have sex. [6] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
If you decide while dating someone that you don’t want to have sex, you should tell them right away.
Identifying your reasons for wanting to abstain from sex. Why do you want to set boundaries about sex? For example, do you want to wait until you fall in love? Do you have concerns about getting pregnant or getting an STD? Or, do you simply not feel comfortable about being sexually active? Affirm your decision. You can increase your confidence in your decision by creating a self-affirmation and stating it out loud. For example, you might say something like, “It’s his decision if he is ready to be sexually active, but I have the right to decide what I do with my body. I do not want to have sex yet because of the risk of becoming pregnant or getting a disease. If that bothers him, then that is his problem, not mine. ” Keep in mind that you may feel some discomfort or other negative emotions about setting this boundary and that is normal. These feelings are only temporary and they will pass.
For example, if someone asks you out and you are not sure if you want to be alone with him yet, then you might say something like, “That sounds fun, but I have plans with Sara on Friday night. Do you want to ask Rick to go to and make this a double date?”
This could be a parent, a respected adult, even just a good friend.
Look for signs like clothes coming off, dry humping, hands under clothes, and kissing other parts of the body besides the mouth. You don’t have to offer any explanation. You can just say, “No,” and leave right away if you are uncomfortable. Pay attention to feelings of general discomfort or guilt to help you decide if you want to stop or not.
“No. I care about you and I want to get to know you better. ” “No, and if you really care about me then you should be willing to wait. ” “No. I am concerned about the risk of becoming pregnant or getting an infection. ”
If they don’t take the hint, push harder until their body is not touching yours and clearly say “stop!” in a loud, clear tone. Carry a rape whistle and pepper spray on your keychain in case the person you are pushing away does not respect your decision.
