Be careful not to heighten the relevance of one bad occasion and apply it to your general impression of social interactions; focus as much as possible on all of the social interactions that you have enjoyed, that have worked out just fine.
“I’m going to be okay. My feelings are not always rational, so I can relax and calm myself. " “I am paying too much attention to my bad feelings in my body. " “People are nice and I’m having fun being around them. " “I am here to enjoy myself. "
Practice deep breathing to overcome moments of anxiety. Check out How to Do Awareness Meditation and How to Meditate for more ideas.
Often we don’t have control over awkward situations, such as the long silent gap in a conversation, the inelegant and noisy passing of wind when we least expect it, and the trip over the edge of the rug as we walk up to accept an award. Choose to laugh it off.
Asking yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” and trying to do at least one thing to engage with others around you is a good start. Chances are, the worst thing won’t happen! Read How to Build Your Self Confidence for suggestions on improving your personal confidence.
You may think that some people around you just naturally exude confidence and never have to worry about how they come off, but every person is insecure about some aspect of social interaction. We all want to be liked and have friends.
There are many other reasons for feeling self-conscious, such as having had a bad past experience, feeling that you’re not understood, feeling pressure to interact in situations (such as work, peers, or parental pressure, etc. ), or feeling confused about the motivations and actions of those around you.
If you are shy, you may want to participate in social events but feel afraid of being embarrassed or left out. Exposure therapy is a great way to tackle your social anxiety. With this therapy, a mental health professional slowly exposes you to new social situations and interactions so you can start to feel a little less anxious. [6] X Expert Source Peggy Rios, PhDCounseling Psychologist (Florida) Expert Interview. 18 December 2020.
Remind yourself which opinions matter. Maybe one person didn’t like you, but will you see this person again? As for your friends, real friends will stick with you, even if you mess up here and there.
For more information about social anxiety and how to treat it, check out How to Overcome Social Anxiety. It’s not always easy to tell if you have social anxiety. A lot times, people paint social anxiety as a personality issue, like being shy, when it’s actually a real condition. [10] X Expert Source Peggy Rios, PhDCounseling Psychologist (Florida) Expert Interview. 18 December 2020.
Be aware if you feel unusually warm, sweaty, jumpy, uneasy, or overly aware of your body. Watch your thoughts and see if they are overly critical of your social performance. Also watch your emotions, whether you feel helpless or ineffective. Get in tune with these feelings so you can learn to identify them.
When actively listening, show the other person that you are engaged by paraphrasing their message and repeating it back. You can say something like: “So, it sounds like what you’re saying is. . . " Ask follow-up questions. You don’t want to get inappropriate or too personal, but continue asking the person questions or their opinions. Show the person you are listening by nodding, making good eye contact, an making sounds or saying words that affirm you are listening (like “Uh-huh” or “Sure”).
Ask people how they are or how their day is going. Search for common ground. Find casual ways to find out if you and the person root for the same sports teams, watch the same shows, or have the same pets. Use your environment to help you. If you run into the person in a coffee shop, ask if she’s tried the amazing baked goods. If you’re outside and it’s a gorgeous day, ask the person if he’s going to take advantage of the beautiful weather to do something fun outdoors.
Get a feel for the situation. If things are a little heavy, the perfect joke can lighten the mood. But if people are having a really serious discussion like discussing the deaths of their grandparents, then you should back off with the humor until the tone of the conversation changes a bit.
Complimenting an aspect of a person’s personality, such as telling your friend that he has a great sense of humor or that he’s good at talking to new people, can make a person feel more special than a compliment about physical appearance. If you’re complimenting something physical, make sure it doesn’t come off the wrong way. If you’re complimenting somebody’s appearance, stick to their face or hair and avoid complimenting their body or your comment may come off sounding more forward than you intended.
Avoid saying that you’re so awkward. You can guess the outcome. Avoid asking people overly personal questions if you don’t know them very well, like why they’re not dating anyone or if they’ve gained weight. While you don’t have to stand miles apart from other people, give people space.
Realize that some people are snobby or standoffish. They are not the norm, nor do they represent a reason for hiding away. For such people, learn a simple way of detaching yourself with dignity, such as a quick nod and an “It was nice to meet you” before swiftly turning your back on them. Learn How to End a Conversation as well as how to have one. For many people, it is ending a conversation that is going nowhere or that is excruciatingly boring that leaves a sense of awkwardness, out of fear of appearing rude or uncaring.
