When you make a serious promise, look at your friend in the eyes and speak slowly to show that you mean it instead of just saying it because you think that you should. Do not break any such promise, as that will hurt your friend. It might even break your friendship!
If you’re not sure you can do something, don’t agree to do it and flake out later. Instead, be honest about the fact that you’re not sure if you can make it. Your friends should always feel like they can count on you, even when the going gets tough. If you’re only there for the fun times, you’ll be no more than a fair-weather friend.
When you say sorry, you should mean it. Let your friends hear the sincerity in your voice instead of thinking that you don’t care how they feel. You should also mean it, take the time to explain to your friend the misunderstanding or how you feel bad and want to fix your relationship.
Being honest is different from being so blunt that you’re hurting your friends. If you think your friend has a drinking problem, for example, then you owe it to your friend to start a conversation about it. But if you think your friend looks kind of weird in her new dress, you may want to keep your mouth shut. Be real. Connect with people whom you value on a deep level if you want to have sustainable, long-term friendships. Invest in people you can be yourself around. If your behavior lacks sincerity, your friendship won’t last. Be honest about how you really feel even if you think your friend might disagree.
If you start to feel upset, take a moment to notice these feelings and any physical response you are having as well. It is normal to feel angry, but it will be much easier to respond in a respectful way if you calm yourself down first. Try to approach the situation with curiosity and a desire to learn more about your friend’s perspective. Speak your mind directly and be brave when you do so. It is not easy to oppose a friend, especially if they do or say something hateful or mean-spirited. [5] X Research source
And if you have a reputation of using people, then new people won’t be too excited to start a friendship with you. A friendship is about giving and taking. Sure, it may be convenient that one of your friends gives you a ride to school every day, but make sure that you do something for that friend in return.
Part of being loyal is understanding the importance of a long-lasting and stable friendship. Don’t throw all that away just to spend all your time hanging out with your new boyfriend or girlfriend or a cool new person you just met. Remember that your friends might feel left out. If you have a reputation for being a blabbermouth or a gossip, then your friends will quickly find out and they’ll be hesitant to reveal anything personal to you in the future – or even to spend much time with you at all. Don’t let others say bad things about your friend, either. Until you’ve had a chance to hear your friend’s side of the story, treat comments that are not supportive as hearsay and rumors. If someone says something that shocks you and doesn’t seem like a thing your friend would do or say, then respond with something like, “I know them, and that doesn’t sound right. Let me talk to them; find out their perspective on this. Until then, I would appreciate it if you didn’t spread that around. "
Sometimes your friend will say things that you find boring, uncomfortable or annoying, but if you have respect for your friend, you’ll give your friend the space to speak, and to do so without judgment. During times when you don’t see eye to eye with your friend, disagree respectfully and be willing to see things differently.
Do a favor for your friend just out of the goodness of your heart, not because you want something in return. There’s a difference between being selfless at the right time and letting people walk all over you. If you feel like you’re always helping your friends and get nothing back, then you may have a problem. Don’t abuse generosity or wear out your welcome. When your friend does something nice for you, reciprocate quickly. Return any money you borrow promptly. Go home when it seems like the time is right.
If you’re just waiting for your friend to finish talking so you can say what you want to say, it’ll be obvious right away. Try to strike a balance of letting your friend talk about half of the time. Though some people are shyer than others, if your friend feels like they can’t get a word in when they’re around you, it’ll be hard to have a healthy, two-sided friendship. If you accidentally interrupt, say something like, “Oh–I’m sorry, go on. "
Don’t assume that your friend can handle it alone; this may be the very time that your voice of common sense is needed to wake them from their fugue. If you see a problem, speak up, no matter how awkward you may feel. Let your friend know that you can give him a shoulder to cry on during this tough time. If your friend feels less alone, it’ll be easier for them to deal with their troubles. If all your friend wants to do about the problem is to talk, that’s fine at first, but you should help your friend find practical solutions to his problems. For example, if your friend admitted to having an eating disorder and simply promises to start eating more, you might talk to them about taking more serious measures to address the problem, like talking to a health professional. However, keep in mind that you need to have boundaries as well. You cannot fix all of your friend’s problems for them.
Just make sure that your friend isn’t always in the middle of some kind of crisis, however contrived it may be. You should be there to help out during the hard times, but that can’t be the basis of your whole relationship. Part of being there for your friend in a crisis is providing emotional support, too. Care about your friend enough to help them open up and let the tears roll. Hand them a tissue and listen openly. You don’t have to say anything if nothing seems right; just stay calm and reassuring. If your friend is going through a crisis, don’t just say, “Everything is going to be all right” if it’s not going to be. It’s hard not to say that sometimes, but false reassurance can often be worse than none. Instead, let your friend know you are there for them. Stay honest, but upbeat and positive. If your friend begins talking about committing suicide or hurting other people, tell someone about it. This rule overrides the “respect privacy” step, because even if your friend begs you not to tell anyone, you should do it anyway. Suggest a helpline or professional to your friend. Talk to your and your friend’s parents or spouse (unless they are the ones causing the problems) before involving anyone else.
Avoid giving unsought for advice. Allow venting where needed and be willing to offer advice if it’s clear that it’s sought. Always ask before assuming you can give advice. In some cases, a friend could use a little bit of tough love to keep them out of a dangerous situation. Use discretion here; you don’t want to lecture or overwhelm your friend. Tell them how you perceive the situation using factual information, and suggest what you might do in the same circumstances.
Don’t get jealous if your friend has lots of other friends. Every relationship is special and different, and that doesn’t mean that your friend doesn’t appreciate you. Allowing one another the time to hang with other friends gives you much-needed breathing room, and allows you to come together fresh and appreciating each other even more.
If your friend really did do something so unforgivable that you just can’t get past it, then it’s better to move on than to try to save the friendship when it’s doomed. But this should happen very rarely. If you’re angry at your friend but won’t tell them why you’ll never be able to forgive them if you don’t talk about it.
The more you are with one another, the less you idealize each other and the more you accept one another for who you really are. This is what being a truly good friend is really about – caring deeply for each other, even if you know you’re both full of flaws.
If your friend really needs you and keeps saying, “No, you don’t have to do that. . . " learn to read between the lines and know that your friend really does need you.
Don’t let your location determine the strength of your bond. If your friendship is meaningful, then it should keep growing even if you’re an ocean apart. Make a goal of having monthly phone or Skype dates with your friend even if you’re in a completely different time zone. If keeping up with your friend becomes a routine, your relationship will continue to thrive.
Don’t try to make your friendship be exactly the same as it was ten years ago. Think of it as elastic, not solid. If your friend is married with kids or even just in a serious relationship, and you’re not, be respectful of the fact that, while your friend cares for you, they won’t be on call 24/7 like they used to be. Appreciate the changes your friendship has made over the years, and learn to grow along with your relationship. Your friend needs to be a good friend to you in return.
