Research has shown that 1 in 8 mothers experience postpartum depression during pregnancy and soon after giving birth. If you’re experiencing a depressive episode, it’s helpful to track when your symptoms started. You may be affected by perimenopausal depression, where symptoms appear before menopause. [3] X Trustworthy Source Johns Hopkins Medicine Official resource database of the world-leading Johns Hopkins Hospital Go to source You might also be living with another kind of depression, such as Seasonal Affective Disorder, where depression is tied to the time of year. Knowing the timing of your depressive episodes can help you plan for them in advance. [4] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source Depression is also common after birth, usually due to the amount of pressure on the new mom so that everything regarding the baby is perfect. [5] X Expert Source Urmi Patel, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 31 March 2022.
A persistent feeling of sadness or emptiness Irritability Fatigue Waking up too early or oversleeping A loss of pleasure in hobbies or activities Aches and cramps with no clear cause Changes in appetite Moving and talking more slowly Persistent thoughts of death or suicide
Although most people experience some anxiety, if these symptoms have begun to seriously interfere with your daily life, you may have generalized anxiety disorder. The desire to have everything be perfect for the new child can lead to sadness and anxiety when new moms do not perceive themselves to be doing everything correctly. [9] X Expert Source Urmi Patel, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 31 March 2022.
You don’t have to open up about your depression symptoms if you don’t want to, although you should feel free to do so. Remember that your friends and family are there to support you, but if you’d prefer to chat about a more light-hearted topic, this can also make you feel better.
If you live in an area where there isn’t much sunlight in the winter, try getting a light therapy box.
Finding a fitness partner can give you the motivation to stay active. Ask a friend if they’d like to start going on walks or to the gym together.
“What’s the evidence that this thought is true?” “What would I tell a friend if they told me they had this thought?” “How might I think about this situation if I didn’t have depression?”
Don’t let this information discourage you. Living with depression doesn’t make you a bad mother. [18] X Expert Source Urmi Patel, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 31 March 2022. But being aware of some of the issues that can come up while parenting with depression can help you take steps to counterbalance them.
Children are perceptive: they can tell when something is emotionally off-balance. By addressing your depression head-on with your child, you can teach them to trust their instincts, and help them make sense of something they probably already know. [20] X Research source Open this conversation by saying something like, “You know I love you more than anything in the world, but sometimes I feel sorta sick, and it hurts me that I can’t always spend as much time with you as I want. ”[21] X Research source Always take care with the language used to convey your situation. For example, avoid using terms like “suffering with depression”. It’s better to say “living with depression”. Remember that children tend to mirror the parents, so make a good example and remind them that this doesn’t mean you’re less than a person because of it. [22] X Expert Source Urmi Patel, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 31 March 2022.
If you’re finding it too hard to talk to your child about this issue, then you can invite them to sit in on a therapy session with you. A trained professional can help you navigate this conversation. [24] X Research source
Building a sense of self-efficacy and perceived control: let your child make decisions for themselves, so that they can feel in command over their own lives. For younger children, you can start by having them make smaller choices, like what to have for dinner. Providing opportunities for self-reliance: let your child deal with conflicts at school or in other parts of their lives without your assistance. Step in only when there is a danger to their safety. Mobilizing sources of faith and cultural traditions: educate your child on traditions that they share with other people. By allowing them to feel tapped into a bigger network of people who share their values, they’ll feel more ready to take on the world.
When making your list, start by writing down any regular responsibilities you have, like doing laundry and making dinner. Then, add any special commitments you have, like going to your child’s sports event. As you finish each task, cross it off, and enjoy your feeling of well-earned accomplishment. Don’t be afraid to delegate tasks if you don’t feel up to doing them. Reaching out to a partner, family member, friend, or even acquaintance, can help you manage your responsibilities when they come up. Remember that, although you are the mother, you don’t have to do everything by yourself. [27] X Expert Source Urmi Patel, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 31 March 2022.
Loved ones who live far away can also be an important part of your support system. Keep in touch with friends and family, especially ones who are parents themselves, and can relate to your struggles. If you’re looking for another group of moms to help out with childcare duties, try talking to parents at your child’s school events. It can feel awkward at first, but chances are there are plenty of people there who are happy to help. You don’t need to disclose any of your depressive symptoms in order to ask for a helping hand.
Be sure that you balance their caring responsibilities with free time, and schedule time each week where your children can do nothing. This will keep them from feeling resentful over having too many ‘grown-up’ responsibilities.
Don’t take it personally if your children aren’t up to doing something adventurous when you want to. They might be busy themselves, or have their own stresses to work through. But when you feel good, try to spend that time with them in a meaningful way—you won’t regret it. Remember that ‘good enough’ is fine. [32] X Expert Source Urmi Patel, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 31 March 2022. There is no need to be a perfect parent, and no one ever is. Often, depressed people put too much pressure on themselves, and feel like failures if they can’t meet their own expectations. Stay away from this kind of trap. [33] X Research source
CBT is effective at helping depressed parents. [36] X Expert Source Urmi Patel, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 31 March 2022. By offering strategies to overcome the challenges that depression poses, you can regain a sense of control over your life. [37] X Research source Your therapist may decide to refer to you a psychiatrist for medical treatment. Many depressed parents use a combination of therapy and medication to allow them to be the best support for their kids that they can be. [38] X Research source If you’re already on medication, be sure to make regular appointments with your doctor to mitigate any unwanted side effects. You deserve a treatment plan that allows you to live your life as easily and healthily as possible.
