Give your child a cuddle, a kiss on the cheek, big hug, or even just a warm touch on their shoulder to show encouragement and appreciation. Tell them you love them every day, even if you’re upset with them.
For instance, you might hope that your child will be athletic. If they’re not really interested in sports, though, it’s important to let them know that that’s okay, and work with them to find an activity that better suits their interests. Similarly, don’t make your child feel bad if it takes them a while to warm up to people, even if you’re very outgoing yourself.
Even just lying on the floor reading together can be a great bonding time for you and your children.
Be specific in your praise to let them know exactly what is being appreciated. For example, instead of saying, “Good job!” you might say, “You did great taking turns with your sister while playing,” or “Thank you for cleaning up the toys after playing with them!” Make it a point to praise your children’s accomplishments and good behavior more than their natural talents. That will help them learn to value taking on a tough challenge. Try to get in the habit a habit of praising your children more often than you give them negative feedback. Though it’s important to tell your children when they’re doing something wrong, it’s also important to help them build a positive sense of self. In addition, if you focus too much on bad behavior, your children may act out more as a way to get your attention. [5] X Trustworthy Source Child Mind Institute Nonprofit organization providing evidence-based care for children with mental health and learning disorders and their families Go to source
Comparing one child to their siblings can lead your children to develop a rivalry. Try to nurture a loving relationship between your children, not a competitive one. Don’t show favoritism between your children, either—if they’re arguing, be fair and neutral.
Practice active listening with your children so they know you’re paying attention to them. Look at them while they talk to you, and show them you’re following along by nodding and making affirmative statements, such as “Uh huh,” “I understand,” or “Keep going. " When it is your turn to speak, paraphrase what you heard them say before you respond. [7] X Research source For instance, you could say, “It sounds like you’re saying that this week’s chore list is unfair. " Try setting aside a specific time to talk to each child every day. This can be before bedtime, at breakfast, or during a walk after school. Treat this time as sacred and avoid checking your phone or getting distracted. For instance, during dinner you might ask your child to share something they learned at school. [8] X Expert Source Kathy Slattengren, M. Ed. Parent Educator & Coach Expert Interview. 27 July 2021.
Try to divide your time equally if you have more than one child. However, keep in mind that you don’t have to do the same thing with each one—maybe one of your children loves roller skating, for instance, while the other would be happiest with a trip to the library. Be engaged with their schoolwork as well. For example, when you can, try to attend school functions, do homework with your children, and monitor their grades to get a sense of how they are doing in school. You can also join a Parent Teacher Association (PTA) if you’d like to be more involved in their education. [9] X Expert Source Kathy Slattengren, M. Ed. Parent Educator & Coach Expert Interview. 27 July 2021. Be careful not to stifle or smother your children, however—give them time to themselves, too. You want them to feel like your time together is special, not like they’re forced to spend time with you.
Allow your child to maintain their personal space and accept that it’s normal for them to sometimes keep secrets from you, especially as they get older. You can balance this by having an open door policy so that they can approach you if they need help with an issue.
If something happens and you have to miss an important milestone, let your child know that you’re really sorry you missed it, and make it up to them with a special celebration. For instance, if you can’t take your child to class on the first day of school, you might celebrate by picking up their favorite dinner and a special dessert that night. [11] X Research source
For example, if you have a younger child, you might have rules like “Don’t go outside without a grownup,” with the consequence of being grounded indoors if they break that rule. For older children, you might set rules about helping around the house, and you might take away a privilege like screen time if they don’t do their chores. Listen to your child’s feedback about the rules they have to follow, but remember—you are the parent. Children need boundaries. A child who has been allowed to behave as they please will struggle in adult life when they have to obey society’s rules. Avoid overly harsh forms of punishment, and never do anything that involves physically hurting your child—in addition to being abusive, it can actually make behavioral problems worse. [13] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source It’s always better to help and guide your child so they can learn from their mistake. [14] X Expert Source Kathy Slattengren, M. Ed. Parent Educator & Coach Expert Interview. 27 July 2021.
If your child feels like your rules are breakable, they won’t have an incentive to stick to them.
We all lose our tempers and feel out of control, sometimes. If you do or say something you regret, you should apologize to your children, letting them know that you’ve made a mistake. Teaching them to apologize and admit when they were wrong is a more important lesson than acting like you’re always perfect.
This doesn’t mean that you both have to agree 100% about everything having to do with the kids. But it does mean that you should work together to solve problems that involve the children, instead of being pitted against each other. Try not to argue with your spouse or co-parent in front of the children. Children may feel insecure and fearful when they hear their parents bickering. Instead, try to show them that when people disagree, they can discuss their differences peacefully.
Keep up with your own hygiene, such as showering and caring for your teeth, and teach your child that the same is expected of them. Encourage responsibility by giving your children regular jobs or chores to do as part of their routine.
For instance, if you catch your child being mean to their sibling, don’t say, “You’re so bad!” Instead, say something like, “It’s hurtful to call people names, so I think you should apologize to Anna. " Be assertive yet kind when you’re pointing out what your child has done wrong. Be stern and serious, but not cross or mean, when you tell them what you expect. If they misbehave in public, take them aside, and scold them privately. That way, you won’t be adding embarrassment into the mix.
If you act like you only expect the best, your child will feel like they may never measure up, and may even rebel in the process. Be clear about what you expect from your child. For instance, you should say, “Please put your shoes on,” rather than, “We need to leave, shouldn’t you have your shoes on by now?"[21] X Expert Source Wits End ParentingParenting Specialists Expert Interview. 11 March 2020.
Give your children the chance to make choices on their own. If you have a young child, for instance, you might offer 2-3 outfits and let them chose the one they want to wear, or you might let them pick between several snacks. When your children are older, give them choices on things like which extracurricular activities they want to participate in and the friends they want to hang around—as long as you feel like they’re safe influences, of course. Remember that your child is not an extension of yourself. Your child is an individual under your care, not a chance for you to relive your life through them.
For instance, if you want your children to be polite and kind, don’t yell in traffic or snap at someone who’s holding up the line at the grocery store. If you want to teach kids about charity, take your kids with you to a soup kitchen or homeless shelter and help serve up meals. Explain to them why you do acts of charity so they understand why they should. If you want your children to do household chores, ask them to help you while you’re cleaning around the house. Don’t just ask them to clean their room while you sit on the couch. If you want your kids to get off their digital devices, don’t spend a lot of time hooked to your tablet or phone. [24] X Expert Source Kathy Slattengren, M. Ed. Parent Educator & Coach Expert Interview. 27 July 2021.
Remember, the best way to teach your children manners is to model them yourself![26] X Expert Source Wits End ParentingParenting Specialists Expert Interview. 11 March 2020.
One way to encourage them to exercise is to get them to play a sport early on in life, so they find a passion that is also healthy. Start healthy eating habits at a young age. From the time you first start introducing solid foods, offer a variety of age-appropriate fruits and veggies, rather than unhealthy snacks like chips and sweets.
For instance, if your child refuses to wear a jacket, don’t force them—they’ll realize their mistake when they get cold. However, you can bring the jacket along in case they change their mind. [28] X Research source Be reasonable when you’re letting them face their own consequences. For instance, sometimes it’s better to let your child fall off the couch rather than yelling at them to get down for the 14th time in a row. However, if they’re standing on the edge of a cliff, you’d obviously want to intervene. Try not to say, “I told you so,” when your child learns a life lesson on his own. Instead, let your child draw his own conclusions about what happened.
Encourage your teens to wait until they’re legally old enough to drink. Tell them that even then, they should never drink and drive, and assure them that if they’re ever impaired, they can call you and you’ll make sure they get home safely.
It’s natural for your child to become curious about their body as they get older. If they come to you with questions, answer them openly, and try not to feel embarrassed.
No matter what age they are, if you have a good relationship with your children, they’ll still turn to you for advice.
