Once you hit puberty, it’s good to wash your face every morning, if you can. Use a facial soap or wipe that won’t clog your pores. After bathing, apply deodorant to help you stay fresh. If one type of deodorant doesn’t work, try another kind.
Don’t feel like you have to blend in, or wear brand-name or popular clothes. It’s okay to look different.
Remember that few people are good at something on the first try. If you don’t do well at something, it’s probably because you don’t have enough practice! Try again. Ask for help if you need it. Avoid bragging about your achievements. People tend to feel upset if they start comparing themselves to others too much. While you should be honest if people ask, don’t rub their noses in it.
If you have low self esteem, try treating yourself the same way you’d treat a good friend. If you’re struggling, ask yourself “What would I say to a friend who was struggling this way?” If you really struggle with loving yourself, talk to someone, like a guidance counselor or a trusted adult. And if you think you’re showing signs of an illness like depression, see a doctor as soon as you can.
You can’t pour from an empty cup. Similarly, you can’t be very helpful to other people if you are feeling drained. Spend time on self care, and say “no” to things if you don’t have the energy for them. Fulfill your basic needs first. You can go back to helping others once you’re feeling balanced and at peace. Try to spend less time on things that drag you down (like reading the news, hanging out with a mean friend, or whatever bothers you). If you can’t avoid doing the stressful thing, then plan something that cheers you up afterwards. If something is really stressing you out, ask for help. A parent or other trusted adult can help you deal with the problem. Suffering in silence will only make it worse.
If you think judgmental thoughts like “she’s so weird” or “he’s stupid,” try correcting them with thoughts like “She’s quirky, and that’s okay. I wouldn’t want people to judge me for being different” or “Maybe he just didn’t know any better. I don’t know why he did that, so I shouldn’t assume until he tells me. " Remember that empathy is a skill. If you slip up and think a judgmental thing sometimes (or even if you say it out loud), you can work on doing better next time. A few mistakes don’t make you a bad person.
If your brother is shouting and your sister is covering her ears, you could say “Would you please speak a little more quietly? I think loud voices bother our sister. " If you’re shopping and a friend tries on an ugly dress, blame the dress (since the dress doesn’t have feelings). For example, “I don’t think it’s your color” or “Its waistline isn’t very good. I think the purple one was cuter. "
Try thanking people more often when they do something for you, even if it’s something they do for you a lot (like your dad cooking you dinner). People love to feel appreciated. When you think a nice thought about somebody, say it out loud, even if the person is a stranger. You might make their day a little brighter!
Don’t push someone to do something “fun” that they really don’t like. For example, if your quiet friend is sensitive to noises and crowds, then don’t push her to go to a loud party full of people if she doesn’t want to. Even if you don’t understand it, respect it. There’s nothing fun about being pressured.
If you’re really struggling, don’t keep it a secret. Instead, go up to someone you trust and say “I’m having a really hard time with something. Could you help me/be willing to listen a little?”
If you don’t have a lot of good role models, or you used not to be very kind, it may take some practice to be good at being nice. That’s okay. Keep doing your best. Over time, kindness will become an instinct.
