More self-confidence Decreased anxiety and depression Less self-criticism and guilt Increased awareness of yourself Increased self-worth Improved sense of inner peace
Whether you’re 7 or 70, you’ve probably had relationships that have left you a little worse for the wear. You might have a tendency to take every failure/argument/disappointment/rejection personally and tally it up in your own mental notebook, coming up with a number to equate to just how valuable you are. That has to stop immediately. The past is in the past and it’s going to stay there. It has little significance. Learn how to carve out time for yourself within the context of a relationship, by developing your own interests and hobbies and regularly spending time with your friends and family. This will help you to remain independent in your relationship in a way that’s healthy for you and your partner.
The next time you catch yourself being upset with someone, realize that it has nothing to do with you. It’s them making their own decisions, and you have no control over that, which is fine. This is one trivial moment in the scheme of your life that in short order will be completely forgotten about. That being said, this doesn’t mean that some people should be let off the hook. Forgive them, forget the behavior, but modify your expectations. Was your friend an hour late to your lunch date? Noted. Next time (if there is a next time), you’ll know how to handle it.
In this time, watch your mind wander. Where does it go to? How does it think? Take note of just how fascinating this thing inside your head really is. What can you learn about yourself?
Do you get jealous easily? Do you compare yourself to others so much that it can ruin your day? Do people often fail to meet your expectations? Who does this most often? When you’re alone, do you seek out others just to feel okay? Does a void spring up when you’re not with others? Does your partner or the idea of a partner mean happiness to you?
This forces you to become reliant on yourself for a solution. Instead of wallowing in misery, you think about what options you have at your disposal to improve the situation. This gets rid of those negative emotions that well up, too, forcing you to be more logical and feel more in control.
Remind yourself that you don’t have to react the way you feel inclined to. It may seem as if the natural, human way to respond is by being upset, but that’s hardly your only option. You could be angry, you could be sad – or you could note it and move on. After all, there’s no benefit to being angry or sad, is there? What’ll it get you?
In case it wasn’t clear, this is very, very, very good news. You have control over all your feelings! You are at the whim of no one! Every emotion you want to feel, you can. Every emotion you don’t want to feel, you don’t have to. Happiness is just a decision away.
Most people who stomp all over others are trying to thwart their inner feelings of inadequacy or unimportance. They don’t feel of any value on the inside, so they force their “value” on others in an effort to convince themselves. This isn’t being emotionally independent – it’s straight up being rude.
Try this in tiny ways, too. The next time you want to check out a cafe or a movie or a shop, etc. , and you’ve heard pretty mediocre things, go anyway if that’s what you want to do![7] X Expert Source Jennifer Guttman, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 26 July 2021. Other people sometimes just don’t know what they’re talking about. When you have decided for yourself, work up to speaking out about it. It’s possible other people feel similarly but are too shy to say anything! You may also bring up a good point that no one else considered.
There’s a fine line here, however. Should you skip your best friend’s wedding because you don’t feel like it? Probably not. Should you avoid the mandatory work meeting because you’re feeling lazy? Nope. In other words, know how to pick your battles.
So the next time you’re feeling down in the dumps, take it on your own shoulders to do something about it. Spend the night doing something you really enjoy, treat yourself to retail therapy, or, heck, just relax. When you’re successful, this can show you that you have the power to make everything better, not other people.
Keeping this in mind can help you from getting your hopes up and then being let down. When you have few expectations of people, it’s easier for others to meet them. And it’ll be easier to notice who still struggles meeting your lack of expectation and who consistently rises to the top.
All humans have to attach themselves to things. It can stink, because it means our emotions are at the whim of other people and other things. The key here is to not overattach yourself. It’s a fine line that only you can find. The best way to do this is to spread yourself between different people and divvy up your time accordingly.
People who genuinely stick to who they are a rare breed. It shouldn’t cause judgement – it should inspire. People will see that you are your own fountain of happiness and wish they were the same! While some won’t be able to handle it, they’re not the ones you want to be around anyway!.
