Culturally, we often mistake fast-talkers for smart-talkers, but pauses in conversation have a power all of their own. Allow for reflection and silence in conversations, letting what is said sink in. This will give weight to your words and a gravity to your presence. Sometimes it’s not so much what you say as what you do not say that people will remember. [1] X Research source
If three people at a meeting have already spoken up for one way of solving a problem, play devil’s advocate, even if you think they’re probably right, or stay quiet. There’s little sense in being another voice in the crowd, saying the same thing. Ask lots of questions to make sure that decisions are the smartest possible. Clarify, specify, and interrogate all ideas to get to the heart of the matter.
If you find yourself at a party, confronted with a parade of dull getting-to-know-you talk, try to find one person who’s willing to have a different sort of conversation and engage. Lead with an unusual question, or a probing follow-up. If someone mentions off-hand that they liked a movie, instead of agreeing, ask “Why?”
Apart from those closest to you, there’s no need to broadcast your whereabouts all the time, or your interests and tastes about every little thing. If someone asks where you’re going, just evade it. “I’ll be around later. " Remove the location information and updates from your social networking accounts such as Twitter and Facebook. Online, stop calling yourself a citizen of a particular nation. Strip as much personal information from your accounts as possible.
Spend time with people one-on-one, instead of in larger groups. Enigmatic traits are more difficult to tease out when you’re in larger groups. Get to know people for who they are, not who they pretend to be in public settings. If you want to be enigmatic, you also need to learn when it’s okay to let people close enough to you. Enigmas aren’t hermits. Even enigmatic people have people in their lives to trust and to lean upon. It just may be fewer than what we might think of as a cultural ideal.
Enigmatic people don’t need to be martyrs. if you have ongoing pain, physical or emotional, see your doctor. Stay healthy and you won’t have to worry about masking it. Look after your body and health so that you can stay strong in any situation.
If you’re upset about a break-up, a loss in your family, or a failure of some kind, speak to a trusted friend confidentially, then move on. It’s not something to talk about at work.
Listen when people speak. Practice close listening skills, really focusing in when someone else is talking. Too often, we like to wait for our turn to speak. Instead, be fully engaged in conversations. You’d be surprised how unusual this can be for some people. Remember people’s names and try to have a good memory for things other people say. Enigmatic people can seem aloof, so you’ll be a surprising presence when you remember an acquaintance’s birthday, or a specific story they tossed off once.
Start collecting rare coins or crystals, or start backpacking in the woods each weekend, identifying mushrooms. Take photographs. Learn Latin. Find an obsession and follow that obsession.
Learn a card trick and never perform it for anyone, just in case you’re ever at a party and someone brings up the subject. You’ll knock their socks off when you unveil a mind-blowing card trick all of a sudden. try to get a part-time job, if you’re young. Learning the way of the working world can help you develop more adult skills and real-world experience that can help you to stand out among your peers.
Look for enigmas all around you. Bob Dylan and Miles Davis might be enigmas on Wikipedia, but so are your town’s librarians, gravediggers, baristas, and street musicians. Look for quiet leadership all around you, not just what’s coming from the television and the newspaper. Find other sorts of role models.
