You don’t have to bring up the suicide attempt, but you should be there for your friend if they want to talk about it. If the attempt was recent, offer support by asking what you can do to help them, and let them know that you are glad they’re still here. [1] X Research source
You may never fully understand the things that were going through a person’s brain before a suicide attempt. But, if you care about your friend and the attempt happened recently, you can do your best to try to understand the pain they must have been in.
Sometimes, listening is just as important as saying the right thing. While listening, try to avoid judgment or an attempt to understand why. Instead, focus on how your friend is feeling and what they might be needing from you. It may feel as though your friend wants to talk about the attempt all the time. That’s natural as they process what happened. Be patient with your friend and let them talk as much as they need.
For example, if your friend is nervous about seeking therapy, you can offer to take them to the doctor’s office. Or, if your friend is just overwhelmed by everything, you can offer to make dinner, watch your friend’s kids, help your friend with homework, or just to do something that will lighten the load. Just helping with the smallest tasks can make a big difference. Don’t think that any task is too small to offer help for. Help may also be in the form of taking your friend’s mind off things. They may feel tired of talking about the attempt. Offer to take them out to dinner or the movies.
For outside the U. S. , visit suicide resource websites for telephone numbers or online chats. [8] X Research source [9] X Research source [10] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Remember that you cannot do this on your own. Your friend’s family and other friends have to contribute to helping that person stay away from the things that might add to their suicidal feelings.
For example, your friend may say that if they have not gotten out of bed all day and is avoiding phone calls, that is a sign that they are getting into a dark place. This would be your signal to call someone who can help.
For example, if your friend was depressed because of a failed relationship, you can slowly help your friend take their mind off of it by planning fun activities and helping your friend start dating when the time comes. Or, if your friend is deeply unhappy because they feel that their career is at a dead end, you can help update their resume or talk about going back to school.
For example, let your friend know you’d be happy to have a weekly dinner with them, but that you won’t keep warning signs a secret and you’ll get help to keep them safe. Your friend shouldn’t swear you to secrecy and it’s important that other trusted people know about the attempt.
Who is the one person you would call to help you feel hopeful in this moment? What do you associate with hope, such as sensations, pictures, music, colors, objects? How do you strengthen and nurture your hope? What kinds of things threaten your hope? Try to imagine a picture of hope. What do you see? Where do you turn for hope when you are feeling hopeless?
When you do check in, there is no need to ask your friend about suicide unless you think think they are a danger to themselves. Instead, just ask how they’re doing or feeling, and if they need help with anything.
I - Ideation (a desire to die) S - Substance Abuse P - Purposelessness A - Anxiety T - Trapped H - Hopelessness W - Withdrawal A - Anger R - Recklessness M - Mood change
You may feel angry or guilty about your friend’s attempt and want to ask about why they didn’t ask for help. [20] X Research source But questioning your friend won’t be the most helpful for them or your relationship if the attempt was recent.
For example, you could say that you are sorry for how terrible your friend has been feeling, and ask if there is anything they need or that you can do. [22] X Research source Whatever you say, reassure your friend that you care about them. Remember that you’re in an uncomfortable situation, and that nobody knows exactly how to act when someone close to them has made an attempt on their life.
It’s important to be as sensitive as possible. If you tell your friend that you think they did it just to get attention, then you’re not really trying to understand the situation. While it may be easier for you to minimize your friend’s problems, this really won’t help your friend move on from the attempt.
Remember that your friend may still be feeling depressed or fragile, and what they need most is your support and love.
It’s tempting to want to heal your friend and remove their pain so everything becomes normal. But remember that your friend has to work through the pain. The best thing you can do is support your friend and offer help.
