Choose low stakes situations to practice small talk. If you’re going to a party on Friday, you may be very nervous about making small talk with potential new friends. Therefore, work on making small talk during less intense social situations. For example, make small talk at the line in the grocery store. Try to strike up small talk with a barista at a coffee shop. If you’re making small talk with people you’re unlikely to see again, you may be calmer.
Change how you think about small talk. Don’t think of it as a burden. Instead, look at it as a way to get to know new people. Try doing something to relax, like taking a few deep breaths, before going into a situation that requires small talk. You will end up calmer during the situation, and better equipped to make small talk in a positive manner.
After you’ve heard someone’s name the first time, repeat it once or twice in your head. This can help you commit the name to memory. Repeating the person’s name out loud when you meet can also be helpful, such as by saying something like, “Nice to meet you, John. " You can also try coming up with a way to connect the name to something familiar to you and this may help you to remember. For example, you might think to yourself, “John with the tweed blazer,” or “John rhymes with Sean my brother,” or “John, like my uncle John. ” Remember, you can always ask a third party for someone’s name if you forgot it.
Show that you are listening using your body language. Maintain eye contact, face the person, and nod your head. Use neutral leading statements to make the person feel heard. Try saying things like, “yes,” “uh-huh,” and “I see. ” Ask questions to keep the person talking or to clarify. When appropriate, try asking questions like, “What happened next?” “How did you feel?” and “What did you mean when you said ___?”
For example, if you are making small talk with a coworker who tells you she got halfway to work and realized she left her phone at home and had to go back, then you might guess that she felt very frustrated and it was not a pleasant morning for her. Therefore, an appropriate response might be something like, “Oh no! That sounds frustrating! I hope the rest of your day goes better. ”
The news can usually make a good conversation starter. For example, you can say something like, “Did you hear about. . . " or “How do you feel about. . . " However, it may be best to avoid controversial topics in small talk. You do not want to make someone feel uncomfortable asking their opinion on a hot button issue.
Don’t talk about yourself too much. While it’s okay to talk about your own experience, do not relate everything the other person says back to a personal anecdote. Never interrupt someone. Even if you think you know where a sentence is going, it’s considered rude to try to finish someone else’s sentence. Avoid arguing with someone during small talk. If someone brings up a political point you don’t agree with, let it slide instead of arguing. People may take disagreements personally, and you don’t want to risk alienating someone.
For example, you may learn you co-worker has a dog named Linus. If you need to, say, make small talk in the elevator, you can ask something like, “How is Linus doing?”
For example, say something asks you how your weekend was. Do not simply answer fine. Tell them about something you did that weekend that may be of interest. For example, “My weekend was good. I went to the beach with my friend and we collected seashells. How was your weekend?”
For example, if you were just talking about something at work, and the conversation has stalled, ask something like, “So, how did you find your job?” You can also ask about the other person’s interests. If conversation slows, try a generic conversation starter like, “Have you seen any good movies lately?”
Bring up something mentioned previously in the conversation. For example, say something like, “So, tell me more about your job. " Encourage someone to share a personal story. Ask them something like, “So, you studied English in college? How did you get into that?” Recalling and asking about information brought up previously can always push the conversation forward, so make sure you pay attention when people talk. You may need to use the information later.
The more you know about the world, the better you’ll be at conversation. Talking to people from a variety of backgrounds, with a variety of different experiences, can broaden your horizons. Make an active effort to learn from people. Ask about other people’s opinions and experiences. Remember interesting tidbits and facts you learn from others. You can use this information in conversations down the road.
Be aware of your body language. Strive to look engaged with the person. Avoid gestures that make you look distant. Don’t, for example, cross your arms, look at the clock or phone, or lean away from the person.
For example, you could set a goal to eat lunch in the break room instead of alone in a nearby coffee shop. This way, you’ll have to be social with your co-workers. From there, work your way up. Set more and more small goals, until you’re brave enough to go out for drinks with co-workers after work.
Join a club. Take a class. Enroll in a sport’s team. Do anything that pertains to your interests that is new and exciting for you.
