Thinking “if only” all of the time. This is an indication that you’re still trying to change the past rather than learning to live with what happened and moving on. You still think you haven’t got what you want from life, even many years after wanting this “something”. You continuously express being fed up with things without actually doing anything to change them. You catch yourself saying “it has always been this way”, as if it’s impossible to make changes. You are scared that bad things will happen because you believe that that is all that ever happens. Controlling situations and people drives a lot of what you do and think about. You feel that if you can only control people or situations, they won’t turn out like the past. You obsess about something that happened and feel steeped in blame, shame or anger.
Do you find yourself replaying past situations and assigning blame? Do you feel shame? Are you angry with others or at something you can’t put your finger on? Are you reliving things just to place your fault in it each time?
Have a mental list of things to think about that leave you feeling positive. For example, think about achievements, tomorrow’s task list, friends you care about, a favorite pet, a planned vacation, a hoped-for renovation, etc. Insert the more positive experience for the negative thought. [5] X Expert Source Philip Glickman, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 19 August 2021. Do not make a bad experience in the past into something bigger than it ever deserved to be. It can become a bad habit, a reason for not moving on, if you allow it to be such.
Consider joining a cause, volunteering with a local or community group or helping people to achieve something you all believe matters for now and into the future. Help others to overcome being stuck in the past. Listen to people attentively and help them find more positive perspectives and ways forward in their lives.
Join a club or community with the same interest. If you don’t want to be around other people, choose a hobby that can be done in solitude, such as reading, painting, writing or making things.
