Think about what you want your life to be like in a year and realize that, with hard work, you are capable of making it happen.
The best way to discover new possibilities is to be open. Try striking up a conversation with a stranger, taking a walk with no set destination, or signing up for a class about something you’ve always wanted to learn.
For example, if you are interested in traveling around the world, you might set a goal to save the money for a plane ticket and other necessities. Then, to get you inspired to work towards the goal on a daily basis, you might imagine, in vivid detail, yourself arriving at your first destination. Think about the sights, sounds, and smells you will encounter to make it seem as real as possible. Write your goals down to help make them more concrete and read over them daily to remind yourself what you are working towards.
Watch a comedy or YouTube video. Spend extra time with that silly classmate of yours. Or, offer to babysit your five-year-old nephew. See if there is a laughing group in your city. These are groups that meet for the purpose of having a laugh.
To make gratitude a habit, try keeping a gratitude journal. Every night before you go to bed, take a few minutes to write down several things you felt thankful for that day. You can also use a phone app to help remind you to add to your gratitude journal daily.
All-or-nothing, or black-and-white thinking- seeing everything in absolutes, either this or that no in-between (e. g. “If they do not love me, they must hate me. “) Emotional reasoning- attaching your reality to your current emotional state (e. g. “I feel crappy today, so no one will want to be around me. “) Labeling- identifying shortcomings excessively (e. g. “I’m a loser. “) Jumping to conclusions- either mind-reading or predicting a negative future by fortune-telling (e. g. “I saw Chelsea today and she didn’t speak to me. She must not be my friend anymore” or “I already know I will make myself look like a fool at the talent show. “) Magnification- blowing things out of proportion (e. g. “I made an F on my English paper. I’m going to fail the class and have to take it over again. “) Should statements- using “should,” “ought to,” “have to,” or “must” in your self-talk (e. g. “I should have known better than to think he liked me. “)
Start by examining the accuracy of your thoughts. For example, you say “No one likes me. " You need to pay attention to see if this seems accurate or not in your life. Consider the evidence. Are you always alone? Do people purposely try to be with you sometimes? Do your friends and family ever comment about how they enjoy your company? Practice mindfulness. It’s no fun to beat yourself about your thoughts. When you notice yourself thinking negatively or unrealistically, practice deep breathing and mindfulness. Inhale the positive; exhale the negative. Notice the cognitive distortions, but think of them as ships coming into your harbor. Steer away the negative and allow the positive to safely dock.
Taking responsibility for yourself doesn’t mean trying to control every aspect of your life. Rather, it means taking responsibility for your choices, while accepting that some things are outside your control.
Ask yourself which beliefs, either conscious or unconscious, you hold about the world. Are these thought patterns helping you or bringing you down? For example, maybe you have come to believe that people are incapable of fidelity because your last partner cheated on you. How is this helping you? Will it be a positive contribution to your future relationships? No, it won’t. If you need help coming up with an objective judgment of your personality, ask a trusted friend for their perspective on your flaws and positive traits. Friends can help you to see yourself objectively and point out things you might not notice.
For instance, instead of telling yourself “I’ll study later tonight,” tell yourself, “I’ll study at the library at seven o’clock tonight. ” A great strategy to make habits stick is the “if-then” planning method. Put simply, this method states that “if X happens, then Y should follow. " X can be a time, place, or event. Y is the action you will take in response to it. For instance, if it’s Monday at 7pm (X), you know that you should spend 2 hours at your university library (Y). Research shows that you are 2 to 3 times more likely to succeed at your goals by following this method. [15] X Research source
It isn’t pessimistic to assume things will go wrong – it’s simply realistic. Things do, in fact, go wrong all the time, often for reasons beyond our control. Pessimism assumes that obstacles are insurmountable, while realistic optimism finds ways around them.
For example, if you always expect to get A+ grades on every test you take, then you might feel incredibly disappointed if you get an A- on a test. However, this is still a great grade, so you might want to adjust your expectations to accept a wider range of grades.
If you find that you’re holding onto self-defeating ideas or a negative self-image, remind yourself that these ideas aren’t rational and they don’t have to hold you back. Make sure that you are surrounding yourself with optimistic people as well. You can meet new like-minded people by searching for groups on sites like Meetup. com.
For instance, if you have the pessimistic feeling that one of your coworkers doesn’t like you, instead of dwelling on the thought, ask yourself why you think that. Is there a more likely explanation? Perhaps your coworker is having a bad day, or they simply have a gruff demeanor.
As much as you need to, bring to mind all the accomplishments you have achieved and all the obstacles you have already overcome in your life. Pay yourself on the back for graduating college. Give yourself a round of applause for finally detaching from your toxic best friend.
For example, all-or-nothing thinkers may view others as “either you love me or you hate me,” when, in truth, it’s entirely possible to love someone but not like all their habits or qualities. Identify areas of your thinking that match this framework and challenge how realistic they sound. Let go of all-or-nothing thinking by focusing on making progress instead of being perfect. Commit to improving on your mistakes while taking your successes into account, too. Also, be willing to let go of control sometimes and accept that life is unpredictable and uncertain.
Social support is a powerful tool for boosting your hope and optimism, so don’t hesitate to ask others for help when you need it. [19] X Research source Doing something as simple as calling a friend and saying “Hey, I’ve been feeling down lately, do you have a minute to chat?” can work wonders for your state of mind. If you are constantly feeling pessimistic, then consider seeing a mental health professional to help you with this.
