Write down your strengths in a journal. Write down what makes you feel strong and capable. What are you doing in these moments? What is happening that you are able to recognize your strength?
If you have a hard time coming up with your strengths on your own, ask your family and friends what they think your strengths are. An outside perspective can be helpful.
Start by journaling for 10 to 20 minutes per day for stress relief and increased clarity on your insecurities. If you don’t know what to write about, start with these prompts: When do I notice feeling insecure? What is it about these moments that cause my feelings of insecurity to increase? How old is my insecurity? Has it always been there? When did it show up? How has it changed?
Say you have a thought such as, “I don’t have anything interesting to say, so I can see why people think I’m pathetic. ” Catch unkind thoughts like this and make a conscious effort to change these thoughts by correcting yourself. Tell yourself: “Sometimes I don’t have much to say, and that is okay. I don’t have to keep others entertained or take on the entire responsibility for this conversation. ” Replace critical thoughts with productive thoughts. For example, here is a critical thought: “There is no way I am meeting everyone for dinner. Last time I went, I was so embarrassed at my off-topic comment. I am so stupid. ” Replace this with a productive thought: “I was so embarrassed at the last dinner, but I know that I make mistakes and that is okay. I am not stupid. I just made an honest mistake. ” As you practice catching these thoughts and changing them, you will notice that you self-esteem will increase along with your confidence. [4] X Research source Jongsma, A. J. , Bruce, T. J. , & Peterson, L. M. (2006). The complete adult psychotherapy treatment planner. Hoboken, N. J. : John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
While you can’t always get your own way, you can certainly increase how much you direct the activity at hand.
For example, you might feel insecure about how you dance when you go out with friends. Take charge of the situation by taking dance lessons. Or, if you feel insecure about how you look, consult with your hairdresser to get a new haircut that complements your face.
Reframe negative thoughts about yourself. Say you tell yourself something like, “I can’t believe I said that. I’m such an idiot. " Be aware of what you’re saying to yourself. Reframe your negative thought by saying, “Everyone makes mistakes. I am sure no one even noticed. " Or, a negative thought might be: “I’m so ugly and overweight. " Reframe this negative thought by saying, “My weight is healthy for my body frame. I have amazing eyes and great hair. "
Set boundaries with other people. Feel free to say no to requests, or set time limits so that you’re not overextending yourself.
Find a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). This type of therapy addresses your patterns of thought, which therefore will improve how a person feels and behaves. [10] X Research source
If you can find people to join you in these activities, this might help you overcome some insecurities.
Take a full breath to a count of ten and ensure that you breath expands your abdomen. Hold it for five seconds and then exhale for five seconds. Be sure to take two normal breaths in between your deep diaphragm breathing. [14] X Research source Bourne, E. J. (2010). The anxiety and phobia workbook (5th ed. ). Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
During nervousness or anxiety, the amount of adrenaline in the bloodstream increases, which increases your heart rate and blood pressure. [15] X Research source This type of physical reaction may make you even more aware of how nervous you are, which may make you feel even more insecure. To help calm your nerves, worries, and critical thoughts, practice focusing on the present moment, while letting go of worries and criticisms. Letting go of your worries is not pushing them away with force, but it is actually letting your thoughts flow through your mind while noticing them without judgment. Let your worries float in and then out just as easily. Practice tuning into your senses and ask yourself what you hear, smell, or sense in your surroundings. Continue to practice being fully in the moment until you begin to relax. [16] X Research source Research has shown that with time, practicing mindfulness can help you have more control over your emotions and help increase mental flexibility when dealing with change. [17] X Research source
Tighten your muscles for six seconds and then release for six seconds. Pay close attention to how each muscle is relaxing. Work from your head to your toes until you feel your body begin to relax.
If you are feeling insecure or worrying when you’re at home, try doing an activity such as reading, walking the dog, or cleaning the house. If you are in a social situation and you are feeling insecure, try going for a short walk, asking someone about their day, or reviewing the menu, or dancing – if that is appropriate. Any distraction to help get yourself “outside of your head” will help you focus on other things and not on your worries of being insecure.
