Reflect on how your thoughts and actions affect your day-to-day life and how your life would change if they were to disappear. Would you free up more time? Would you feel better about yourself? Would other people think differently of you? Keep in mind that sexual thoughts are natural and not evil. If you have heard that thinking about sex makes you an evil person or that you will be punished because if these thoughts, keep in mind that everyone has these thoughts and they are natural. Especially during your teen years, you will have a wide range of sexual thoughts that are a normal part of exploring your sexuality. [1] X Research source
Keep in mind that by nature, humans are sexual beings and it is okay and completely normal to have sexual desires and feelings.
Write a list of what you believe healthy sexuality is to you. Focus on defining healthy thoughts and actions, how you engage with other people in a sexual way, and how you feel about about yourself afterward. Think about the things that make you feel good versus the things that make you feel bad. What is the difference between these two things?
Recognize when you feel ashamed. Is it after masturbating or after viewing pornography? Is it after having sexual thoughts? Notice what evokes shame. Then, decide what needs to leave, the action or the shame. Decide how you feel about the action, whether you would feel better stopping the action, or if you need to work through that action without a shame response. Where does the shame stem from? Is this a belief that was passed down in your family? Does it relate to deeply held religious beliefs? Understanding the source of the shame can help you work through it. If working through feelings of shame you wish to let go, say to yourself, “I am able to love and express my sexuality in a way that is healthy and pleasurable to me. It’s not shameful to express my sexuality. ”
If you have guilt about your sexual thoughts or feelings, treat it as a guidepost and pay attention to it. Try and spend some time understanding the guilt, where it originates from, and how you can engage in healthy sexuality without feeling guilty. Ask yourself when you experience guilt. Is it related to sexual acts/thoughts, your own sexuality, or outside influences (such as religion or beliefs)? Is the guilt justified? If you do not want to experience guilt related to your sexuality, say to yourself, “I am allowed to be a sexual being and express my sexuality in a healthy way without guilt. ” If you’ve hurt someone in a sexual way, it is absolutely imperative to confront the situation.
If you are ashamed of your body for having stretch marks, loose skin, or scars, forgive your body. Learn to appreciate the functions your body does for you such as digesting food, sorting out toxins, and converting food to nutrients. You may not celebrate all parts of your body, but take some time to express gratitude for the little things your body does for you and the abilities it gives you. [7] X Research source Your body tells a story. your skin tone, freckles, and scars each encapsulate a story of ancestry and experience. Celebrate your family and your own unique experiences on your living canvas.
Use a parental control tool from preventing you “unintentionally” opening porn web sites. If you have to unlock that software, this buys you some seconds to think again and direct the impulse somewhere else. If you struggle with consuming pornography, check out How to Deal With Porn Addiction.
If you find a joke you find funny yet you know it will hurt someone, keep it to yourself.
If you’re having a hard time staying focused, take a break and go to the bathroom, take a walk, or engage in something else altogether. If you find yourself staring at someone inappropriately, catch yourself and divert your attention. If you’re about to tell an inappropriate joke, stop yourself and say something different.
Don’t approach any person in a manner that devalues him or her in a sexual way.
making sexual jokes or gestures. bringing up sex in inappropriate situations, such as during class, while someone is telling you a story, or in other situations you think it might make people feel uncomfortable. sending sexual text messages or inappropriate pictures to people. [10] X Research source touching your private parts in public. touching other people in inappropriate and/or unwelcome ways. exposing yourself to people.
Join a running club, start yoga, or go for daily walks with your dog. Call up a friend, host a game night, or plan to see your friends for dinner. If you feel chronically stressed but are not sure how to pinpoint it, start a stress journal and keep track of what stresses you each day/week/month. You may start to find patterns of the stressors you experience, then begin to tackle them one by one. [12] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
If there are people that negatively influence you yet are a fixture in your life, kindly ask them to tone down their comments or behavior, or not to discuss those things in your presence.
You can also join a support group, either locally or online, such as the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health or Sex Addicts Anonymous.
For more information about going to therapy, check out How to Tell if You Need to See a Therapist.
