Make sure to use your usual voice or even try a whisper if that helps you. Say, “Mom, there is something I’d like to ask you. Can I do that now?” or “Mrs. Smith, may I please play with those colored pencils?” Avoid asking for something if you’re upset. Give yourself a couple of minutes to calm down and then ask in your normal voice.
Tell the person, “Ok, thank you” and walk away from the situation. Revisit your questions either later in the day or at a time when it seems more appropriate.
Let your parents know what you are doing. Tell them to say, “Go put 25 cents in the jar” whenever you whine. Consider asking your teacher to start a whine jar for your whole class. You can use that money to buy supplies for the classroom or donate money to a charitable cause you choose as a class.
Figure out how you can overcome the problem quickly. For example, if you don’t have any bananas at home, tell your mom, “I’m going to put them on our shopping list and have an apple instead. ” Distract yourself entirely if needed. For example, if you really wanted to play volleyball but can’t find one, consider improvising by throwing a soft rubber ball against a wall.
Make sure to be polite and nice when you’re pointing out your parents’ whining so they don’t get mad. You could say, “Mom, please don’t whine when you ask me to take out the dog. I need to finish this math problem and then I’ll do it. ” Consider asking your parents to contribute to the whine jar. You could donate the proceeds or use it towards a family fun day.
Try and use sentences instead of words, which may naturally help you keep your voice inflections within a normal range. Instead of saying, “Please,” you can say, “Would you please do this for me? It would be a huge help. ” This can prevent the person to whom you are talking from shutting down completely and get him or her to listen to you. Remove yourself from a situation if you don’t think you can control your voice. Come back to your statement once you’ve had a chance to calm down.
Try giving a small smile when you’re talking so that your words, face, and eyes follow suit. For example, if your wife or husband is going away again, say, “I love you so much and love spending time together. It would be nice if you could give me a bit more notice when you’re traveling so I can prepare myself to be alone for a few days. ” Visualize yourself saying this in a non-whiny tone with a neutral face. If you need to, look elsewhere so that the person to whom you are speaking doesn’t think you’re pointing daggers out of your eyes.
Make your request or statement only once. Any more and you’re indulging in the behavior of a child—and you’re not a child, nor do you want others to think you are. Part of being an adult is accepting that you can’t always have things exactly your way. For example, say, “Can you please take me off the project? I can’t handle working with Alex,” or “Oof, I just don’t want to work with Alex on this. ” Accept whatever comes after your statement and move on to whatever you need to do. Consider finding something to distract yourself if you feel the need to harangue someone with whining to get your way.
Use open communication with a person instead of a guilt trip[9] X Expert Source Karuna Jain, MSLife Coach & Energy Healer Expert Interview. 23 November 2021. . Keep in mind that this is more constructive and can save your relationship with the person instead of ultimately upsetting him or her. For example, say, “I appreciate the assignment and am excited to participate in the project. But I am concerned that the poor working relationship Chris and I have may have an affect on the overall project. Can you suggest a way to get around this?” This statement sounds much better than, “Ugh, can you take me off of this project. I won’t be able to concentrate or function if I have to work with Chris. ”[10] X Research source
Write a list of things that cause you to whine. You could even ask a trusted friend or family member if they notice that you complain about something a lot. Go over your list and figure out things you can change. For example, you can reframe or eliminate relationships that make you whine a lot. Ask yourself, “What is it about Chris that causes me to moan and complain so often? If I limit my exposure to him will it help me complain less?”
Remember that even in the most whine-inducing situation, there is likely something positive. [15] X Expert Source Karuna Jain, MSLife Coach & Energy Healer Expert Interview. 23 November 2021. For example, maybe your colleague opted to teach the same course so you got stuck with a large class. Instead of complaining about what a lazy loser the person is, say to yourself, “Other colleagues realize that Chris is not carrying his weight in courses. Thankfully, they realize I’m putting forth a huge effort. ”[16] X Research source
See if your expectations are realistic by looking at the plan you’ve developed. For example, depending on how much you make, you may not be able to save $100 every month. But you may be able to save $50 every month, which is still saving. Remember to give yourself a little wiggle room. Accepting that you and others are not perfect can help you complain less and attain your goals.
Offer to volunteer at a health facility or organization that helps the less fortunate. Recognizing that you really don’t have anything about which to complain can help you focus on the positive. Even giving your support to friends and family members who are struggling can help you whine less.
