Take a moment to step back from the situation emotionally. Count to ten in your head if you need to in order to calm down and prevent reacting negatively. Try taking deep breaths to remain calm and keep your feelings in control. [1] X Expert Source Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 24 July 2019.

For instance, if the bully says something negative to you about your shoes, you can say something like “Oh wow, I’m sorry you don’t like them because I love them! These are my favorites! I got them on a really good sale. ” If the bully makes a sarcastic, fake compliment, thank them. This will throw them off as well. [3] X Research source

Redirect the focus away from the insult and onto the attacker, without bullying back, with a brief response such as “Why do you say that?"[5] X Research source Prepare and practice your responses. Come up with some responses and practice saying them in the mirror when you are home. [6] X Research source Do some role-playing of the kinds of situations that might come up. Practicing makes you more comfortable when you need to do it in a real situation. [7] X Research source

Assert yourself with words such as: “Please stop that. ” “It’s my turn. ” “Please don’t touch. ” “It’s not okay to do that. ”[9] X Research source

Just as you are not the sum of all of the worst things that you have done or said, your bully is not either. Do your best to separate the person from the bad things that they do.

Remember that hurt people may hurt people. Your bully is probably dealing with emotional issues that they do not know how to handle. This can be the first step in you developing empathy for them. You do not need to invest a lot of time in finding out this information; sometimes the information we already have is telling enough.

Show your bully the kindness you want them to show to you. Respond nicely and with compassion even when they are rude to you. [12] X Research source The bully may be very unaccustomed to people being nice to them, so show them the kindness missing in their life. If the bully always does something like closing the door in your face, open the door for them. These small acts of kindness add up and teach the bully how to treat you and others. Greet your bully with a smile and a “hello” each day that you see them. They will marvel at your continued positivity and joy.

Perhaps you and your bully both share a love for baseball or for a certain type of food. When they are rude, think of these similarities to help you be kind in return.

Breathe deeply. Deep breathing can help you maintain your cool in tense situations. [16] X Expert Source Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 24 July 2019. Another way to remain calm is to reflect back on a time when you felt happy or at peace. It can be helpful to think back on a recent beach trip or moment with friends to recenter yourself back to positivity.

Remember that the message of the bully is an opinion. How you feel about yourself is most important. Meditate in the mornings and at night before work or school. Meditate on principles of positivity and thankfulness. These messages will give you strength as you start your day.

Seek community at church, with your current friends, with family, and with others that you trust. You never know if someone you speak to has been bullied before and may be able to give you advice on how to handle it with grace, respect, and kindness.

Remember that you can’t help others unless you are good to yourself first.