Though it’s a simple example, let’s say you trip onstage at some award ceremony. Instead of turning bright red in shame, you either brush it off like you meant it to happen and accept your award from the floor, or you put up your arms in a “tada” moment and embrace the spotlight. Let the hooting and hollering commence.
So much of what we do is to avoid shame and to feel accepted. If that urge wasn’t within you, what might you do differently? Would you really care if Joel liked your shoes or if Marcia texted you back? Probably not. Start out by focusing on this just for a few minutes a day until it becomes naturally nearly all the time.
So when your teacher announces a pop quiz? No reaction from you. There’s no point in worrying about it – the only thing you can worry about is doing well. And when your crush doesn’t text you back? Moving on – you were just feeling it out anyway.
You’ve probably met someone who takes themselves way more seriously than they should. They’re wound up, constantly caring what other people think of what they’re doing, saying, and what they look like. In reality, others aren’t really thinking about them at all. Just watching them is exhausting because they’re wound up so tight. Be the opposite of that person, and the nonchalance will come.
Another good idea is doing deep breathing exercises. Concentrating on your body and your breathing takes you out of your mind and into the here and now. You focus on more tangible realities, like how the chair you’re on feels on your skin and the temperature of the room – and not on whatever’s been worrying you lately.
Let’s say you just sent a text to your boyfriend or girlfriend. They haven’t responded yet. The clock is ticking, minutes are passing, and they still haven’t responded. The child in you wants to go, “What are you doing? Why aren’t you responding?! Is something wrong?! Why are you being mean?!” Nope. You’re not gonna do that. Instead, you’re gonna pick up a book. If they don’t text back, fine. You can’t really remember what you texted them anyway.
Let’s say your crush told you to back off. Dang. That sucks. You have the urge to cry and whine and eat your feelings, but the calmer side of you knows better. And you’re not just going to say, “okay,” and move on like it never happened, because it did. When talking about it with your friends, you say something like, “Man, this stinks. Wish it didn’t work out this way, but totally glad I didn’t ask him/her out on a date!”
When only your opinion counts, you’ll find it easier to stay more relaxed and stress-free. In other words, nonchalant. You control all of the opinions that matter. How awesome of a feeling is that? Everything else isn’t on your radar and isn’t worth stressing.
How your body is positioned will be determined by the situation you’re in. The main way to come off as worried and anxious (and not nonchalant) is if your muscles are tensed. If you think your body might give you away, go through your body from head to toe, consciously checking if each part is relaxed. If it’s not, let it loose. The mental nonchalance may come from there.
It’s good to have a sort of “mental shrug” attitude, too. The milk spilled? Shrug. Guess you should probably clean that up, huh? You gained a few pounds? Shrug. More salad tomorrow.
This helps for a number of reasons. It keeps you busy, it makes you tons of different friends, and it keeps you happy and feeling fulfilled. The bigger your world, the littler everything gets. That one person that could upset you before, can’t anymore, because you know a dozen other people just like them.
This is a fancy way of saying that you have plenty of going on in your life. If one thing is going wrong, oh well. You have a thousand other things going on in your life that are going just fine, thanks. No need to worry. If that “seed” doesn’t work out, you’ll plant another one.
That is, most of the time. You don’t want to be a dull dud that mooches off of everyone else’s good ideas, and you want your friends to know you value them. When you are invited, let them know that you had fun and that the party can be at your house next time, for example. Friendships are two-way streets, after all.
If you’re struggling with something really bothering you, try telling yourself that you’ll worry about it tomorrow. But it off in your mind, knowing that you’ll get to it in under 24 hours. Then what happens? Tomorrow comes and either you don’t remember to worry about it, or you feel much better (or at least more in control) about what happened.
