If you really like the list idea, then you can even keep the list handy. Add to it whenever you think, “Oh, right, there’s something else I’m good at. . . " When you’re feeling low or like you’re not worth much, read it over and you’ll feel better. Talk to a close friend about it. Ask your friend what he or she thinks your strengths are. Your friend may come up with something that you never even considered because it was right before your eyes![3] X Expert Source Leah MorrisLife Coach Expert Interview. 19 June 2020.
The next time you’re with your friends, practice talking about the exciting things in your life or the things you have to look forward to, and you’ll see that people will respond better to you, and that you’ll find yourself in a better mood.
If you’re in a group setting and feel like you have something to contribute, then you’ll feel more self-confident than if you just hang back, listening to everyone else’s opinions. You don’t have to chatter constantly to build your confidence, but you should talk often enough that you feel like you have many worthwhile things to say. You can cultivate things to contribute by reading interesting articles, watching the news, or doing research about current events or things that interest you. Bring up a topic that you have researched in a conversation and see where it goes. Having information to back what you say will help you feel more confident in a conversation. If you know something or have a particular skill– anything from how to build furniture to how to choose the right pair of shoes for prom– people may turn to you for help. You can build a lot of confidence by helping others and seeing that they have something to gain from you.
Realize that it’s common to idealize the lives of others from what you see. [5] X Research source In other words, you don’t see the whole picture of a person’s life from casual interactions. If you begin comparing yourself to someone else, stop and refocus on yourself. Identify ways in which you are successful, happy, or improving your situation. People who lack confidence are constantly questioning themselves and the world around them. Leave less room for doubt by feeling capable of the task that lies ahead of you.
If you feel bad about your body or general appearance because you’re always flipping through celebrity magazines or watching television, then try to divorce yourself from that culture as much as you can. If you spend time with a friend, family member, or significant other who is always making you feel worthless, then it’s time to question your relationship. You can try to make changes to your relationship by using assertive communication to address the way the person makes you feel. [6] X Research source If the relationship doesn’t or can’t improve, you may need to make the decision to end or limit your time with the person. [7] X Research source If you play a sport that you really hate and feel like you’ve put in all of the effort you can and still nothing works out, then it may be time to find another club that suits your needs better; this is not to say that you should quit whenever the going gets tough, but that you should learn to recognize when something’s just not working for you.
Start small. Strike up a conversation with someone you see a lot but never talk to, such as the guy who sits next to you in math class or your neighbor. Plan a trip to a new place, even if it’s just a city 50 miles (80 km) away from your hometown. Get in the habit of going new places and seeing new things. Try your hand at learning a foreign language. Doing something that feels completely unfamiliar to you is fun and can build your confidence.
Step out of your comfort zone at least once a day. This could mean talking to your crush – or even asking him or her out, if you’ve worked up the courage! If you’re unhappy at work but feel afraid to leave, try applying to just one job. Even if nothing comes of it, you’ll see that the risk you took wasn’t all that scary. Confront your fear, while you’re at it. While you don’t have to bungee jump if you’re afraid of heights, you can take an elevator to the top of a ten-story building and look out a window. You’ll see that you really can overcome whatever is holding you back.
Hanging out with people who are self-confident can also be a big help. Instead of being jealous of those people, study them and ask yourself, “What do they do differently than me, and how can I cultivate a similar manner?” You’ll find that the people who are confident aren’t necessarily “better” than you in anything – except having a positive outlook about themselves.
Be sure that you allow yourself to set aside time for your hobby or activity that makes you happy. This can be difficult for people who have a lot of work or familial commitments, but it is important. [13] X Research source
Don’t cross your arms over your chest, either. Keep them at your sides or use them to gesture. This will make you look more approachable and to feel more open. Make natural eye contact when you talk to people. If you look people in the eye, that’s sending a message that you’re comfortable talking to them on an even level, and that you’re open to new ideas. Making eye contact with people can also help you keep your head up. Looking down at the ground or at your feet all the time is another thing that can make you both look and feel less confident. [15] X Research source You should also walk with strong, confident strides instead of shuffling or dragging your feet. This will help you look and feel more confident as well. [16] X Research source
If you look in the mirror and see a person who is well-groomed, you’ll be much more likely to value yourself. Wear clothes that make you feel good about yourself. [19] X Research source This likely means clothing that fits you (at your current size) and has a flattering look that fits with your personality. This doesn’t mean you should put on a ton of makeup or wear clothes that make you feel like you’re being someone else. You should always be yourself – just a clean, hygienic version of yourself.
The mantra, “If at first you don’t succeed. . . " really is true. Think of how boring life would be if you were the best at everything you tried. Instead, look at failure as an opportunity to prove yourself the next time around. The important thing is to learn where you went wrong along with accepting when something was just dumb luck.
You can even use exercise as an opportunity to step out of your comfort zone and to try something new. Maybe you’ve been scared about trying yoga or taking a Zumba class, but once you sign up, you’ll find that it wasn’t as scary as it sounded.
If you ask people for help, they’ll be more likely to ask you for help in return, and you’ll see how needed you really are.
Learning to let go of worry for the future and accept what has happened in the past can help you live in the present. [25] X Research source Practice yoga or mindful mediation. This can also help you live in the present.
