Think of women you know in real life, celebrities or historical figures.
For example, ‘I am a good daughter: I call my parents daily/once a week and speak to them patiently even when I’m pressed for time. ’ ‘I am diligent: I consistently perform to the best of my ability, I don’t procrastinate and I thoroughly check the standard of my work. ’ ‘I have amazing hair: it’s soft, shiny and long. ’ Your list of strengths and proofs will be subjective – they are unique to you.
Avoid the words ‘always,’ ‘never,’ ‘should,’ and ‘must’ (e. g. ‘I must always speak in a polite tone of voice. ’) Such words create unrealistic expectations and disappointment, guilt and frustration when they’re not met. Your definition of the perfect woman applies to you: the point of the exercise is not to be exactly like another woman. Rather it is to help you define your ideal version of you.
Take extra caution if any of the women you consider perfect are current celebrities or people you only interact with through social media. Personal social media accounts are tailored to reflect only what she chooses to reveal. Pictures can be edited and people choose to publicize the best parts of their lives. [2] X Research source Social media profiles are snippets of people’s lives and this presents a skewed version of reality.
Devote part of your day to engaging in these activities. Remember that this is meant to be enjoyable. You will have something to look forward to that is stress-free. Not every new interest will necessarily require you to leave your house and spend money. Look for online documentaries or videos to watch.
Ask yourself, ‘What can I learn from this situation? What can I do differently next time to prevent such an outcome? What have I gained from this?’ Once you form a negative opinion of someone, you start to notice things about her that will confirm your opinion and ignore any evidence to the contrary. [5] X Research source If you find yourself thinking mean things about another person, deliberately think of examples that dispel your negative opinion. Or think of reasons that may have made her behave in a way you disliked. Perhaps she was tired or hungry? Maybe she misunderstood the situation? Make a special effort to cheer other women on. It’s very easy to feel competitive around another woman as you seek to be the ‘perfect woman’. [6] X Research source Rise above such pettiness and be supportive of other women as opposed to trying to sabotage them. A simple example, is if a co-worker you dislike asks you if you know the deadline for a certain project, don’t sabotage her by giving her the incorrect date. Or if another woman asks you for the recipe of a dish you brought to the potluck, don’t leave out ingredients from the recipe or give different proportions to the ones you used. Be supportive of other women.
Identify your growth points by analysing your own behavior. Do you have trouble maintaining eye contact? Is your speech too fast or your voice too loud when you’re nervous? Do you stand too closely to others when you’re talking to them? Do you interrupt when others are talking? Do you have difficulty saying no? Ask friends/family you can trust to be honest without hurting your feelings about any of your social skills that you need to work on. Friends can often notice things about your behavior that you can’t. Make sure the person you ask is socially skilled. Pick one or two social skills at a time to focus on. When you’ve made significant progress in them, then advance to other skills. Consider asking a friend to role play with you or practice in front of a mirror.
If you feel that you are about to snap, take deep, calming breaths. Inhale slowly through your nose, exhale slowly through your mouth. If you can, distance yourself from the situation: leave the room and find a quiet place. If you can’t leave, try to drink a glass of cool water or to sit down. This will help you calm down. [7] X Research source Emotions are not inherently negative, wrong or bad. [8] X Research source [9] X Research source Regularly process your emotions through daily journaling or by talking to someone you trust about the events in your life. Keeping emotions bottled up increases stress levels and doesn’t help you resolve problems. [10] X Research source
Set up reminders with alarms on your phone or in your organizer so that you can keep track of your commitments. Estimate how long it will take to do your promised task. Set your reminders in advance of when your promise is due so that you have ample time to collect any resources you need to carry out your task.
Surprise a friend or a family member with a phone call. Keep track of people’s anniversaries and birthdays. Go out of your way to show gratitude to someone who has done something good for you. Say thank you, send gifts, or try to return the favour. Set up a schedule to call family and friends who are far away. It may not be possible to do so every day or every week. Set aside an hour on the weekend that you can devote to reaching out to others who aren’t in your daily life but who are important to you.
‘Hey, let’s not talk about her like that. ’ ‘Let’s talk about something else. ’ ‘How’s your project coming along?’ This doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to discuss negative events. Do so only if it’s your business, out of concern for someone or if you’re trying to understand what happened.
Take time to be up to date with what is happening in close friends and family’s life. Just as you need other people to rely on, you should be there for your loved ones in turn.
You don’t need to spend a lot of money to be physically fit. Joining a gym is not the only way to stay healthy; though it’s certainly an option. Consider joining a sports team, or asking a friend or family member to join you for a daily jog. Look up different videos or blogs of fitness experts you can follow. Be sure to check the credentials of any ‘expert’ that you follow. Check for training, certifications and qualifications on their website. You don’t want to follow someone posing as an expert as you might end up injuring yourself. [15] X Research source If you’re not used to being physically active, it will take you time to build up your stamina. Keep going!
Look up tutorials online for different makeup styles. Makeup not only enhances your natural beauty but it can also be used to create looks that highlight facial features you admire such as big eyes or slim noses. [16] X Research source [17] X Research source laurenconrad. com/blog/2015/05/beauty-beginners-how-to-contour/ Stay within your budget. Don’t go overboard and don’t try to buy a replica of every outfit your role model has. Consider buying drugstore ‘dupes’ of high-end brand makeup. You are only looking to your role models for inspiration. Fashion changes constantly but your style will be yours always.
Do a skin test even with a homemade mask. In the long-run, store-bought masks may be more economical: homemade masks may not last as long. Only buy skincare products that have been tested on human skin and are made by reputable companies. Go to a certified dermatologist if you have problematic skin. A dermatologist can give you advice on which creams and products will suit you best and can outline a routine for you to follow.
Look in the mirror to help you adopt proper posture. Once you see that you’re in the correct position, try to analyse what it feels like in your body so that when you’re not around a mirror, you’ll know how to adjust your posture. The way you carry yourself is indicative of the way you feel about yourself and others around you. [21] X Research source Proper posture will also help you improve and maintain your health and reduce chances for tiredness. [22] X Trustworthy Source National Health Service (UK) Public healthcare system of the UK Go to source
If you are particularly inspired by your role models and want to achieve something similar to them, read their biography. Look at their milestones and how they achieved them. Some of this information may not be readily available and you will have to do your own research. For example, if you are looking to break into the cosmetics industry, you will have to research different methods of doing so. Consider contacting local makeup artists or contacting persons who design makeup for further guidance. Sometimes plans don’t turn out exactly as we want them to because of circumstances beyond our control or because something else inspires you along the way. That’s okay: find another way to achieve your goal. Make allowances in your plan for setbacks. If you read up on your role model’s history, you’ll find that they didn’t always have smooth sailing either. [23] X Research source Consider setting aside an afternoon to draft your long-term plan.
Explore your options online or by asking others who are striving to achieve similar goals for tips on how they financed themselves or obtained their resources. Try not to let lack of resources hold you back.
Consider asking close friends and family or outsourcing. Look for people who are knowledgeable about the field you’re looking into. Remember to thank them and show your gratitude through favours either by doing something kind for them or by returning the favour if they ever need help.
Tell people you trust about your plans. Ask them for their moral support and encouragement. Track how you use your time by writing down what you complete every half hour. Log your activities for a week to see where you can be more efficient. [24] X Expert Source Rahti Gorfien, PCCLife Coach Expert Interview. 17 December 2019.
Repeat positive affirmations to yourself daily, before you leave the house: ’I accept myself, I improve by learning and self-educating myself – I accept myself. ’[25] X Research source www. prolificliving. com/how-to-accept-yourself/ ’I approve of myself, I work hard every day to achieve my goals – I approve of myself. ’[26] X Research source www. prolificliving. com/how-to-accept-yourself/
Talk to someone about how you feel about things that you’re finding hard to let go. Other people can help give you different perspectives and encourage you to move on.
If someone you interact with on a daily basis is constantly bullying you, either confront her about the issue or discuss the matter with your supervisor or a trusted colleague for advice on how best to approach the matter. Know that it’s okay to say no from time to time. If someone asks to spend time with you but they bring you down, you can tell them you don’t want to hang out with them. [29] X Expert Source Rahti Gorfien, PCCLife Coach Expert Interview. 17 December 2019.
Periodically reward yourself for doing things well. Go out for dinner at your favorite restaurant if you’ve performed particularly well this week. Or buy a new book to read if you’ve successfully managed to maintain an exercise routine for a couple of weeks.
Remember that your definition of perfect applies to you and you alone. Along the way you might be inspired by someone else to change an aspect of your life. That doesn’t mean that you’re aiming to become exactly like another woman.
