You might say something like, “Ok, tell me more about that. What makes you think that?” If you do this you are being tolerant by not dismissing him or her outright and you are attempting to understand something that you find difficult. Remember that tolerance does not mean accepting unacceptable behavior.
For example, if you are talking about schools giving teenagers contraception, you might say “I think it’s sensible for schools to make contraceptives available. ” This is a tolerant way of expressing your opinion. Avoid making “you” statements such as, “You’re stupid for thinking that schools shouldn’t give out contraception. ”
You should start by calmly describing what you find offensive or intolerable in each other’s behavior or views. For example, “I don’t agree with your stance on gun control. ” You will then need to try to get a better understanding of each other’s cultural perceptions. You might do this by asking something like, “What experiences led you to develop your ideas about gun control?” You should then explain how the issue would be dealt with in each other’s culture or view. You might start by stating what you think the ideal situation might be and then allow the other person to do the same. For example, you might start by saying something like, “I think that we should make it harder to obtain guns because…” Then you can begin to negotiate a way forward that takes account of and respects your differences. This will be easier if there is a misunderstanding of each other’s behavior, than if you hold more or less incompatible views. For example, you might start by saying something like, “While I don’t agree with your views, I do have a better understanding of them. Now that I know the reasons behind your beliefs, it is easier for me to understand your point of view and I am willing to move forward. ”
Adopting a more open-minded outlook and exposing yourself to views and cultures that are different from your own can help you to become more tolerant. Talk to people you don’t know, and read newspapers or websites that you don’t normally look at. Talk to people of a variety of ages and cultures.
You can try to become more accepting of uncertainty by thinking more about answers than questions. The idea is that if you are always focused on finding an answer you begin to think that there is only one answer, and the answer is constant and unchanging. There are often many different answers to the same question, and if you stay open-minded and curious you will become more aware of the differences and more tolerant of this ambiguity. [5] X Research source
For example, you could find out about different ways of celebrating significant events. You can also expose yourself to new experiences to demystify things that might have seemed strange or alien to you before.
For example, perhaps you grew up in a household where it was common to hear derogatory comments about people of a certain race or religion. Or, perhaps you had some negative experiences with someone from a different race or religion and those experiences have contributed to your ideas about those people.
We tend to flee from or avoid difficult thoughts, which can lead to an intolerant, impatient or unsympathetic outlook. Pick a difficult thought and spend at least ten seconds each day thinking about it. For example, if the idea of changing your religion is intolerable to you, then you might think “I am going to renounce my religion and become a Buddhist (or another religion that is different from your own). ” Then analyze what happens next. Do you have a physical reaction? What are the next thoughts that come into you mind?[7] X Research source
