If you’re in a romantic relationship with a narcissist, plan your exit before you leave. Make sure you know where you will stay and don’t tell the narcissist you’re leaving until you’re already gone so they can’t stop you. If your parent or friend is a narcissist, you might stop taking their calls and texts. Alternatively, you might decide to talk to them once a week or once a month. If your coworker is a narcissist, limit your interactions with them to business tasks.
You could also repeat positive affirmations to yourself, such as “I am calm,” “I have peace,” or “The universe is on my side. ” You might also imagine the narcissist in a ridiculous outfit to make it easier to laugh off whatever horrible thing they’re saying to you.
Beat them in a fight by saying things like, “We seem to have gotten off track. Let’s change topics,” or “We both care about this a lot. Maybe we should move on to something else. ” Get them to do something by saying, “We need to finish this report by the end of the day,” or “We have a big mess to clean up in here. ”
“You’re so smart!” “You always seem to know what to say. ” “Great job today. ”
At work, you might say something like, “You’re the best analyst we have here. Your reports do a great job at covering the facts, but we’d like more details to round them out. ” If your partner is a narcissist, you could say something like, “I love the paint job you did in the living room. I can tell you’ve been working super hard on the bathroom, but I think the trim needs an extra coat of paint. ” If you have a narcissistic relative, you might say, “You’re so kind to watch the kids. They loved watching a movie with you last time, but I was hoping you could skip the second pack of candy this time. ”
If your partner is a narcissist, focus on how your achievements help both of you. You might say, “We did this together,” or “I’m so happy we’re doing so well. ” If your relative is a narcissist, you might not tell them directly about your accomplishments or good news. Let them learn about it through the grapevine. With a coworker, don’t brag about promotions, new assignments, or achievements. If they start trying to top you, just say something like, “Sounds cool,” or “That’s awesome. ” In most cases, they’ll feel validated enough to move on to a new topic.
When they start gaslighting you, respond with something like, “I understand you see it that way,” or “I respect your opinion. ” Usually, this will shut them down.
At work, you may be tempted to report your narcissistic coworker for lying or for insulting you. They’ll just try to turn things around on you and prolong the drama. Don’t let them suck you in. Similarly, your narcissistic relative might be spreading rumors to create problems between you and other relatives. If you confront them, they’ll only deny it and start more conflict. A narcissistic partner might criticize your cooking to make you feel bad about yourself. They’re only going to double-down if you confront them, but they’ll lose interest if you brush off what they say.
At work, you might say, “I hear you,” or “I understand your point. ” If you’re talking to your partner or relative, you could say, “Mmmhmm,” “Okay,” or “Cool. ”
“You’re practically an expert on the space program. I was hoping you could tell me about the Mission to Mars and when it might happen. ” “You seem to know so much about history. Can you tell me about your favorite time period?” “I heard you like to write. What do you normally write about?” “I was really impressed by your last presentation. Can you tell me more about it?”
Let’s say your coworker has stolen credit from you in the past. It’s better to just focus on getting credit for your work moving forward. Your partner might have a habit of criticizing you, but pointing that out will only make them lash out more. It’s better to redirect them in the moment with things like “we-language” or vague responses. You might have a relative who’s really hurt you in the past. Distancing yourself from them and focusing on your other relationships will make you a lot happier than trying to confront the narcissist. If you do bring it up, they’ll just try to gaslight you into thinking it never happened. Alternatively, they may try to act like they’re the victim. It’s just not worth it.
A narcissist might try to use information about your past to make you look bad. They could say, “Alice missed a deadline last year, so she probably will again. I should take the lead on the project. ” They could also gossip about you, sometimes bending the truth. They might say, “James told me he hated the gift you gave him,” or “Taryn said they might not come to Thanksgiving this year. Maybe they just don’t like your cooking. ”
“If you yell at me or call me names, I’m going to leave the conversation. ” “Don’t share my personal details with anyone else. If you do, I’m not sharing with you anymore. ” “I’m not going to explain myself. If you keep pressing me, I’ll leave. ” “I will only offer you comfort and advice about a problem one time. ” “I won’t listen to gossip. ”
If your parent is a narcissist, you may really struggle to focus on your own needs because you’re so used to tending to your parents’ needs. Fortunately, you can learn to focus on yourself, and going to therapy can help.
If a relative is narcissistic, spend more time with your other family members or the people in your life who feel like family. If you work with a narcissistic coworker, call or text a friend on days they’re especially difficult. If your friend is a narcissist, make sure you have other friends who can offer you the support you need.
Make a list of the ways their narcissism has hurt you in the past. When the love bombing starts, read over your list to remind you why this person is bad news.
