Do you constantly tell yourself you’re unattractive? Do you tell yourself you’re boring? That you’re weird? Irresponsible? Negative thoughts like these are what keep you from feeling confident enough to be a social person. More importantly, they keep you from living a fulfilling life. Until you’ve addressed your insecurities and told yourself you’re a worthy person, you won’t be able to truly socialize. Sometimes we get so accustomed to these negative thoughts that we no longer notice them. Start paying attention to the kinds of thoughts you are having.
First, acknowledge that the thought is there. Now, close your eyes, and visualize the thought in your mind’s eye. Label it as a “negative” thought, and then let it slowly dissolve until it disappears completely. Turn a negative thought into a constructive one. Let’s say you’re overweight, for example. Instead of constantly telling yourself “I’m fat,” tell yourself “I’d like to lose weight and get healthy so that I’ll have more energy and feel more attractive. " This way, you can turn a negative thought into a positive goal for the future. [3] X Research source [v160969_b01]. 10 February 2021. For every negative thought, think of three positive thoughts. Being a positive person will also make it much easier for you to socialize and make friends. Nobody wants to be friends with a Negative Nancy.
What have you done in the past year that you are proud of? What is your proudest accomplishment of all time? What unique talents do you have? What do people tend to compliment you on? What positive impact have you made on other peoples’ lives?
Keep in mind that behind closed doors, everybody experiences pain or suffering from time to time. If you find yourself wondering why certain people seem happier than you, remind yourself that happiness has little to do with external circumstances, and everything to do with attitude. Consider turning off or taking a break from social media. Social media sites can inhibit your will to go out and be social in person. They also encourage you to compare your day-to-day life with the filtered and edited high points of others, which may lead to depression. [4] X Research source
Letting go of the feeling that you are constantly being watched and judged will help you learn to ease up and relax around other people, making socializing much more pleasant. Get over the fact that everyone is always staring at you or judging you. Like you, they are more concerned about themselves than the people around them.
Know that you’re not going to hit it off with everybody, or even most people. But think about all of the amazing relationships you can form if you just put yourself out there more. Practice saying, “So what?” when you’re afraid. Then, really think about what would happen if your fear came true. This will help you question the reality of the scenarios that overcome you. Don’t take people’s opinions of you personally, because it’s always a projection of their own internal experience. If you spend your time focusing on the negative things people might say about you, it’s only going to negatively impact your self-worth. [7] X Expert Source Rachel KoveCertified Recovery Coach Expert Interview. 27 April 2022.
Smiling is especially important if you are trying to attract a person because it shows that you are a positive person who is worth meeting. Smiling may also encourage your body to release dopamine, endorphins, and serotonin, all of which can help lift your mood and make it easier for you to interact with others. [8] X Research source
Avoid crossing your arms, frowning, or standing in the corner. These gestures send the message that you want to be left alone, and guess what? People will leave you alone. Put your phone away. If you look busy, people won’t want to interrupt you. Your body language should say that you are ready to mingle.
Don’t try to tell people what they want to hear or what you think will make them like you more. Just be yourself. Avoid texting or talking on the phone when you are in the middle of a conversation, especially if the subject matter is important. Keep conversations balanced. Don’t constantly talk about yourself, because this comes across as narcissistic. At the same time, being too quiet shows that you are uninterested in the conversation.
As people respond, practice active listening with them. Give them your full attention, and practice repeating back key points. Showing others you are paying attention when they speak is just as important as asking questions.
Don’t just give up on a person as a potential friend after one okay conversation. Talk to the person a few more times to get a better read on his or her personality. Remember that each person is unique, with their own story and background. Our differences actually make us separate individuals. [9] X Expert Source Rachel KoveCertified Recovery Coach Expert Interview. 27 April 2022.
Call old friends that you haven’t seen in awhile and set up a time to get together. Throw a dinner party or other gathering and invite all of your friends, coworkers, and acquaintances. Invite a friend to the movies, a baseball game, a concert, or other activity.
Make a habit of saying yes three times for every one time you say no. This doesn’t mean you have to say yes to something that sounds absolutely horrible, but accepting more invitations to spend time with your friend shows a genuine interest in the friendship and makes you a friendlier and more outgoing person. If you reject every invitation, your friend will likely think you are ditching him or her and not interested in spending time together.
Consider joining a local sports league, book club, hiking group, or cycling team. If you don’t have a hobby, then pick up a new one. Be sure to choose something that you can do with groups of people. Look at sites like Meetup. com to help you connect with groups of people who share your interests.
Consider throwing a party and telling all of your friends to bring guests. As a plus, you already know that you have some things in common with these people since you share a mutual friend. If a friend of yours invites you to a party or a big gathering where you don’t know anybody, accept the invitation. Though it might seem intimidating, it is a wonderful opportunity to meet new people.
Look for unique opportunities to be social. It can be as simple as asking the bank teller how he or she is doing rather than just staring at your phone and avoiding contact. Remember, socializing is a skill and every opportunity is a chance to practice. [10] X Research source Get to know your coworkers or peers if you haven’t already. Attend social events with family members. Though this might not sound like fun, you’d be surprised to learn that you can make new friends wherever you go, as long as you have the right attitude.
Tell yourself that no matter how tired or anti-social you may feel that you should put yourself out there no matter what.
